OrionScopes: Week of Feb. 13
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Editor’s note: The horoscopes below are compiled in a collaborative effort from The Orion’s opinion staff and have no actual bearing on current astrology.
Aries: Right now is the perfect time to express your secret affection for that special someone. Avoid having another one-night stand with your former date from the weekend, and give someone unexpected a chance. Plenty of people celebrate after Valentine’s day, and picking up on the lonely Tinder dates could lead to something more fruitful than a short dinner date and a used condom.
Taurus: February is actually a great month for you. It is filled with material items you love such as satin sheets, wine and chocolate. This crush has similar superficial interests, so go ahead and go all out this entire week. You and your partner should be planning to spend the entire week trying to make everyone else envious of your relationship. Be sure to call that Uber Luxe as oppose to just any UberX.
Gemini: Unfortunately this isn’t your week in love, Gemini. You have been at peace with how things are currently going for you in your life right now. Don’t force a relationship or an awkward date just because there is supposed to be love in the air this week. I know you are considering asking out that cute barista even though she keeps putting half and half in your latte when you asked for almond milk. Don’t do it. She is doing it on purpose because she is tired of your boring small talk.
Libra: Libras are the type in the Zodiac who tend to jump to conclusions. This is also true in how you handle your relationships. You are the type to fall in love over a social networking site then realize the person you are dating is a hitman a month later. Take it easy on whoever your date may be this week and hold off asking them what you two will name your firstborn child.
Cancer: It looks like you’ve endured another less-than-awesome Valentine’s Day this year, Cancer. For once, don’t fool yourself into thinking you didn’t get asked out because there is something wrong with you. You didn’t get asked out because you’re constantly moping so you come off as unapproachable. Practice fake smiling more in the mirror, and maybe next year you will be able to land a date.
Leo: Don’t let your huge ego get in the way this week. It is no secret that you have annoyingly high standards but try to mask it while you make plans. Don’t let your shallowness stop you going on a date even if it’s after Valentine’s Day. A late date is better than none at all, and not everyone is going to drive a high class car, at least not in Chico.
Virgo: Let’s face the facts Virgo, you tend to be pretty dormant on most issues. This often leads to you coming off as extremely boring on most dates. Your lack of opinions might have bored your Valentine’s Day date. Read up on some current issues, and have a do-over, maybe with someone who is a little more monotonous and less spontaneous.
Capricorn: The moon is in Virgo this week which entails a positive week in love for you, Capricorn. But let’s be honest here, you probably cancelled Valentine’s Day dates that weren’t convenient for you. Despite being the most selfish sign, try and be nice when you cancel a date to that concert that cost them $80, and think about giving some of the suitors a second chance.
Scorpio: Let’s be real Scorpio, you take the cake of the freak-in-sheets of the Zodiac. You don’t need much help in the love category this week either. Forget celebrating Valentine’s Day, and make sure you have enough supplies to get through this week without leaving the bedroom.
Aquarius: This could lead to an interesting week for you, Aquarius. Hopefully you have already gotten your tax return back and it is over $30 so you can treat your person to a decent dinner that isn’t Taco Bell. By now, you have already forgotten that Valentine’s Day falls on the Feb. 14, and are scrambling for belated date ideas. Netflix and Chill will not cut it this year, so try to splurge a little and give your partner an acceptable late gift.
Pisces: You may be feeling more lonely than usual and it is because you have a tendency to be extremely clingy. You most likely stalked the person you hooked up with last week as they celebrated Valentine’s Day. This does not count as a date. Text your friends about dinner instead to take your mind off of it, they will eventually give into your triple texts.
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