Published 2011-11-07T19:40:00Z”/>
Lexi Brister
Of all the things my boyfriend and I argue about, one of the most common is whether or not he can “come in the back door” during sex.
I’m sure I’m not alone in the struggle to find the right compromise to this and many other issues of sexual desire. Whatever your preference, it’s important to get what you want, so I’m taking this opportunity to provide some insight into how couples I know deal with some common
bedroom debates.
<strong>Lights On, Lights Off</strong>
I think one of the sexiest body parts to see during the deed is the face, so I like having the lights on.
I have a very self-conscious female friend, however, who can’t relax when the lights are on, because she doesn’t like the way she looks naked. Sex is better for her in the dark, because her only concern is what feels good rather than what looks good.
Men are far more visually stimulated than women, according to LiveScience.com.
So if you’re looking to give a man a thrill, give it a try. No one ever looks quite how they think they do. If you’re trying to get your partner into it, drop more compliments about how sexy he or she looks.
<strong>No Butts Allowed</strong>
I don’t know a single woman who truly enjoys anal sex. I’m sure they’re out there, but it’s probably a safe assumption that it’s not very common.
Some men, however, find the idea fascinating. A good male friend of mine said the ultimate draw for him is the fact that it’s something different and dirty, and he doesn’t understand why so many people wouldn’t want to try it.
“The fact that it’s so taboo makes it so hot,” he said.
<strong>A Hairy Situation</strong>
There appears to be no general consensus on body hair.
Personally, I think the less the better, and I have plenty of friends, both male and female, who agree. However, I also know a lot of people who think taking it all off makes their partner look way too young.
If you find that your partner wants something that makes you wildly uncomfortable, however, it is OK to hold your ground.
<strong>Quick Lube</strong>
When one of my exes said he didn’t see the point of using lube when he could simply go down on me, I found myself conflicted.
As much as I wanted to encourage that particular activity, I had to set him straight. It doesn’t matter how good you are – after half an hour of friction, my lady parts need some help.
Allow me to squash this discussion permanently: If you like having sex, lube is your best friend.
<strong>Toys, Toys, Toys</strong>
I’ll never forget the look on my boyfriend’s face when I first showed him the vibrating cock ring I keep in my naughty drawer.
Toys like this are not for everyone, so if you like them and your partner doesn’t, I recommend easing them into it. I have a friend who pulled out her vibrator during sex without warning, and her boyfriend was so turned off.
A better idea would have been to let him watch her use it on herself first or to suggest ahead of time that he use it to give her a bigger orgasm the next time they had sex.
Compromising on sexual pleasures can be tricky, but it all comes down to communication. Know what you want, don’t be afraid to ask for it and be realistic, and don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with.
<hr />
<strong>Lexi Brister can be reached at</strong>
<em>[email protected]</em>
