Breaking News
Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Few, futile rules in love, flirting: She says…

Published 2011-03-22T18:00:00Z”/>

opinion

Serena Cervantes

Heavy sigh, shoulder lean, exhausted looks in all directions for the next failed romance.

Flirting tactics, though strategic in the game of love, aren’t supposed to make you look like a pickup artist. Women are analytical by nature. The first couple of interactions that take place between us and a new male are extremely encoded from our point of view. We’ll pick up on whether you just want sex or if you’re truly interested in a relationship.

Flirting is an art that is so long forgotten that I’m not even sure a genteel methodology for it ever existed. Although, when I think back to sixth grade, I remember the flirting being fun and secret, not tainted as though dragged through the dirt of our raunchy bar culture.

What’s worse is that our dating world is defined by mainly nonverbal flirting because of the technological times we live in. Texting, email and instant messaging can be effective by allowing us that first foot in the door when trying to get to know someone, but it almost makes flirting too easy. It allows men to “hide” behind a guard in case the rejection is too devastating.

Alcohol does the same thing – “Oh, well, I had been drinking, so … “

Men, please give up those doubtful qualifiers when your pals ask you how the flirting went. Women don’t want a man with defense mechanisms.

Women want a man who isn’t afraid to flirt with them in person. Don’t be a creep about it, if you are, we’ll let you know. Be sweet instead. Buying us a drink or sending us a text that might have three times the meaning of something literal is only going to get you so far. Women are tired of the covert messages. To us, a man who approaches us face to face is chivalrous. In consequence, we’ll have a lot more respect for you.

But – red alert, red alert!

There are too many men who are too relaxed about meeting women. These types think women will inevitably just fall into their laps. These are men who have “The Big Lebowski.” It’s misogyny at its worst.

These cultural icons are “heroes” to men but they oppose how women think and what women want. It’s a role that I’ve seen men take on as their own again and again. But cultural icons are not suits that you should want to slip into whenever the persona seems fitting to your needs.

To us, these types of men are the slyest when it comes to flirting and they’re probably least likely to be afraid of approaching women in person. This is the art of persuasion that the pick-up artist would use. Whereas these men might seem brave and genuinely interested in a female, on closer inspection women become a sort of pick-up artists themselves. They’ll be “picking up” that these men are in costumes that make up the qualities of a clown.

These are red flags that men can use as a checklist when engaging in the art of flirtation. But there is one more box you can check off when avoiding douchebag qualities. No matter how sexy a woman is dressed, do not use her appearance as an excuse for why your flirting tactics went haywire.

Imagine Amy Winehouse’s “Fuck Me Pumps” playing in the background. A man sees something alluring across the room. He tries to flirt but the filter is removed, and the woman realizes that she shouldn’t have worn such a short skirt tonight. Out comes a sleazy line that the man regrets. The woman is offended.

Men, when this happens, throw your hands up as if you were being arrested and say the one qualifier that might save you – “I’m just say’n!”

<strong>Serena Cervantes can be reached at</strong>

<em>[email protected]</em>

 

  1. Illustration
      Leave a Comment
      More to Discover

      Comments (0)

      All The Orion Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

      Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *