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The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Weekly Top Five: Reasons friendships rarely work after relationships

Published 2012-09-27T15:46:00Z”/>

opinion

Tara Miller

Let’s just be friends.

Most of us have been there before. A relationship starts and ends, and the decision of whether or not to endure a friendship begins.

Let’s be realistic — how often does friendship with an ex work out? My experiences have taught me that being friends after a relationship doesn’t exactly work. Here are my top reasons why being friends after a breakup is never quite as easy as it seems.

<strong>Jealousy</strong>

The hardest thing to do is see an ex with someone else. This is one of the biggest reasons why I can’t be friends with my exes. No matter how hard I try not to be jealous, whenever I see one of my exes with a new girlfriend I instantly get upset. It has gotten better over time, but that’s only because I’ve learned to stop talking to my exes and know that I couldn’t handle being friends with them. There’s also the possibility that your ex gets jealous when they see you with other people. Either way, it can get ugly.

<strong>Moving too fast</strong>

It takes some time after a breakup to get back into being single, especially if the relationship was long-term. But if you and your ex start a friendly relationship right away, there will most likely be some nasty drama. Diving into a friendship right after a relationship is hard, because there is still the possibility of romantic feelings from either you or your ex.

<strong>Lingering feelings</strong>

This can really put a damper on the friendship because of the urge to give it another go, even if there is no chance of starting up again. Being friends can give one of you the false hope that there could sometime in the future be some sort of rekindling of the relationship that you two once shared. Just make your intentions clear so that you can be saved from more heartbreak in the future.

<strong>Single-sided</strong>

It happens. There will come a time when you end up in a one-sided friendship with one of your exes, which isn’t fun because you may end up putting more effort into being friends than your ex will. Trust me on this, I’ve been there. It’s rough and not worth the time if you’re the only one trying to make the friendship work. It can be painful knowing that you are the only one fighting to stay buddies after all that you’ve been through.

<strong>Neediness</strong>

At some point, you will probably end up dealing with an ex like this if you try to venture into friendship territory. He or she will be so needy that there really isn’t much of a friendship there. It ends up that they are constantly asking for favors or clinging to you insteading of acting like a friend, especially after a breakup. This kind of friendship isn’t worth it. No matter how hard you tell yourself your ex will change and won’t be needy, that’s probably not going to happen.

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<strong>Tara Miller can be reached at</strong> <a href=”mailto:[email protected]”><em>[email protected]</em></a>

  1. Tara Miller
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