Published 2007-03-27T00:00:00Z”/>

Tang Lor

Dating in America is typically a choice made by a boy and a girl, and parents are the last to know who’s going out with whom.

But in the Persian culture, dating takes on a more formal process. Parents are involved in approving relationships, and couples are expected to marry, junior Tina Shahreza said.

“It’s not good to go out on a date without your parents knowing,” she said. “Everyone has to know that the boy and girl are dating.”

If a boy sees a girl he likes, he can talk to her to get to know her. But before things get serious, he has to ask permission to date from both his parents and hers. The boy will ask his parents to set up a meeting to visit the girl’s family.

During this meeting, the girl will serve her guests tea. This is done so that she can show that she has poise, a feature that is valued in a wife.

The parents will talk to find out if their children are compatible. The parents will want to know about educational level and jobs.

After the meeting, the girl’s parents will ask the girl if she really likes the boy. They will do a background check on the boy by asking relatives and friends if they know him and if he comes from a good family.

“Her parents really want to know if he deserves their girl,” Shahreza said.

A couple of days after the meeting, the boy’s parents will call the girl’s family to tell them if they approve of the relationship or not. Both families have to agree to let their children date.

“Sometimes, it takes only three days, and sometimes it’s a week,” Shahreza said. “It really depends on how much research each family wants to do.”

Once both families agree they will host a namzadi, which is a party that serves as a formal announcement of the relationship. The boy and girl will exchange promise rings during the party.

Relatives and friends are invited so they can acknowledge the relationship and get to know the other family.

“It’s very taboo for a boy and girl to be together in public,” Shahreza said. “Usually people will whisper and stuff behind their back, but now they’ll know it’s OK if they see them together.”

After the ceremony, the boy and girl can go out in public together. Dates are the same as typical American dates, Shahreza said. Couples hang out and go to the movies or a restaurant.

Even though Shahreza, who is originally from Iran, is accustomed to the American way of dating, she wants to have a traditional dating ceremony when she finds the right person.

“I want it to be like the old culture because my parents know me best, and I value their opinion.”

Parents also play important roles when it comes to dating in other cultures. Hmong boys are supposed to visit their girlfriends at home under the supervision of the girl’s parents. Couples usually sit and talk while her parents keep an eye on them, senior Chao Yang said.

“It’s not good for a boy and girl to be alone,” Yang said. “Sometimes, the mom even has the little kids spy on you if you’re in the living room and she’s in the kitchen.”

Taking a date to the movies or a restaurant is usually not an option because if a girl goes out alone with a boy, parents will usually force them to get married, she said. But lots of couples get around that because people meet at school and hang out with friends.

“Young people these days don’t care,” Yang said. “They find other ways to get together, and some parents are kind of cool ’cause they know we want to go out, not sit in the house.”

Tang Lor can be reached at <a href= “mailto:[email protected]”>[email protected]</a>