Published 2006-02-07T00:00:00Z”/>

Mike Rosinski

Looking back at my college career, I realized how much I have learned. So I’ll take this chance to enlighten all non-seniors on the intricacies of this distinguished university. Consider this advice sort of like a Rosetta Stone for Chico State.

If you pick a rose from the George Petersen Rose Garden, you risk a fine of $50. Most students know that, but you may not know that if you take 20 roses and make a crown for yourself, you will be fined $1,000. This is more likely if you run around campus wearing your crown, and claiming you have been empowered through divine right to rule Chico State as a king. School officials hate that.

If your friends get psyched up and ask you to meet them at the Chico State football game when you get out of class, leave your fake Wildcat claws, face paint and enormous six-foot tail in the drawer. Chico State doesn’t have a football team.

This is pretty basic stuff. But there are more complicated ins and outs of the Chico community.

The Crazy Horse is a place, not a mythical Chico State mascot famed for his angry grunting of the fight song. I fell for that one because I wanted so badly for it to be true.

Speaking of the Chico State fight song, does anyone know the words? Seriously, I have never sung it or heard anyone else sing it.

If someone tells you the summers in Chico are not that hot, I have a Pacific Gas and Electric Company bill that would disagree. But while my electricity bill went up from running the air conditioner so much, I saved on gas charges by cooking all my meals on the hood of my car. And mirages are common in the heat, which is part of the reason I believed in the “Crazy Horse” so vehemently. I spent an afternoon in 143-degree heat holding a conversation with him. Great guy.

Now, on to Holt Hall, I still haven’t figured that place out. It is pretty easy to wander aimlessly, crying, knowing you’ll never find the room you seek. If anyone knows how to get around in there, fire me an e-mail.

If anyone tries to sell you an elevator pass, especially for Butte Station, which is one story, don’t buy it.

Don’t be afraid to go to Bear Hole. It is a place for swimming and laughter. It is not a sinister cave of ferocious bears that feast on the brains of the college educated

All of this stuff is subtle, but if you can pick up on just a few of these tips life in Chico will be much easier

If you have encountered any of these situations or fallen into the same traps I have, meet me in the reference section of the library. We can finally prove once and for all that “gullible” is, indeed, in the dictionary.

Mike Rosinski can be reached at<a href= “mailto:[email protected]”>[email protected]</a>