Wisecat: 3 ways to break up a failed friendship

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Published 2013-04-24T06:00:00Z”/>


Marty Salgado

<em>Dear Wisecat,</em>

<em>I no longer have anything in common with a person, and I don’t get along with them anymore. How do you break up with a friend?</em>

<em>— Ruby, 21</em>

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Dear Ruby,

I talk a lot about keeping friendships, but it’s very common to realize sometimes we outgrow even our closest pals.

This usually happens when two individuals are at two different places in life. One may be moving forward while the other is staying in the same spot. As we age, we can find our tastes in music, food and friends change as well.

Realizing you’re no longer matching up with a friend is normal. “Breaking up” with a friend is never an easy thing to do, but it is sometimes necessary in order to move on to the next stage in your life.

Keep in mind there is no easy way to break up with anyone. Spare everyone’s feelings, and be kind in doing the following:

<strong>1. Distance yourself</strong>

You need to stay away from friends who are bad influences in your life, but staying away can be hard when there is constant pressure to hang out.

Everyone has times when they need to completely distance themselves from everyone else. Perhaps that time is now.

Tell yourself it’s OK to be busy with school, family or your own activities and let your friend know that. When you are ready to join the social circle after your personal break, you may find it easier not to contact certain people anymore.

<strong>2. Let it disintegrate on its own</strong>

Because we are so young, sometimes we don’t have to take such drastic measures. Life can be surprising and go where its naturally meant to go.

Take on your daily routine. In two months your friend might not even have called you or noticed your disappearance.

<strong>3. Clean and honest breakup</strong>

This decision may take some contemplation on your part.

The clean breakup could be used for close friends you care about or acquaintances who consider themselves your friends. When you sit down to talk to your soon-to-be former friend, take some time to consider the following points:

• Figure out how you feel about the friendship and why.

• Think about how the other party feels about the friendship.

• Ask your friend to hang out in a quiet place in Bidwell Park or at a restaurant. Explain to them how you feel about the friendship. Have a long chat and be sure about where you want the situation to end. Be firm with your feelings and don’t cave in, because completely cutting someone out is a process.

These situations are never comfortable. If this is a close friend you are trying to break up with, it may take time to completely separate yourself.

But even if you are no longer friends in the end, always keep them in mind and try to cherish something you shared. There is a possibility you will rekindle the friendship later in life.

Remember that the times friends spend together help us become who we are. You can’t help yourself if you need to move on from the friendship, but always be mindful of the feelings of others.

— Wisecat

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<strong>Marty Salgado can be reached at</strong> <a href=”mailto:[email protected]”><em>[email protected]</em></a>


  1. Marty Salgado
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