Man walks down Ivy Street wearing only sombrero, shoes

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Illustration by Liz Coffee.

Wednesday, 5:10 p.m.: Threats on Lassen Avenue. “Suspect has used reporting party’s bank card without permission. Suspect has now threatened to hurt reporting party and his cat and destroy his RV.”

Thursday, 7:37 p.m.: Suspicious circumstance on Pendant Avenue. “Reporting party thinks there is a cow in water in the levee. The cow sounds like it is in distress. Officers unable to locate cow or any sounds of distress.”

Thursday, 8:52 p.m.: Family dispute on East Avenue. “Reporting party said he and his wife were arguing and his mother started fighting with him. Reporting party sounds like he has been drinking. Reporting party advises they are unable to handle this themselves.”

Friday, 12:54 a.m.: Soliciting at Heritage Inn on Heritage Lane. “Reporting party went to visit his friend at this location and a female approached him from a different room and tried to solicit him for sex. Suspect female was in room 117.”

Friday, 2:11 a.m.: Threats at Rodeway Inn on Park Avenue. “Reporting party was staying at the motel when she let her friend come over. Subject called her names and asked her for money. Reporting party advising earlier in the night he threatened to choke her with her pants. Reporting party did not call at the time and went to speak. Reporting party is asking to speak to an officer.”

Friday, 1:12: Disturbance on Panama Avenue. “Unknown female subject just came and urinated on reporting party’s porch. Subject is now back at Studio Inn. Subject now out front trying to wave down a cab.”

Saturday, 12:25 a.m.: Domestic violence on River Oaks Drive. “Reporting Party’s girlfriend arrived intoxicated and hit reporting party in the face with a canister. Reporting party has a laceration but is declining medics. Reporting party is outside, female is inside. Reporting party states she also kicked him in the groin.”

Saturday, 3:18 p.m.: Disturbance at Tower Mart on East Park Avenue. “Homeless male outside demanding customers to buy him dog food. Subject is refusing to leave the property. Reporting party requests he asked to be moved along. Now subject is approaching customers and touching their cars and asking them to buy him dog food.”

Saturday, 4:02. p.m.: Suspicious subject on Ivy Street. “Naked male walking down Ivy, wearing a sombrero and holding privates. May be wearing shoes but nothing else. Second reporting party stating the naked male punching cars as they drive by.”