The O-Face: When drunk sex is rape

Chantal Richards
Chantal Richards

 

Drunken hookups can be part of the college experience, but  they can become rape when someone is not coherent enough to agree to any sexual activity.

I have had many drunken nights that ended in sex. I do not consider those encounters rape because I was coherent enough to agree to them, despite having alcohol in my system.

But once, it went too far. I was raped while I was too drunk to consent on the last day of school before spring break in 2009.

I decided to ditch my last class and go day drinking with a few men I had been partying with.

After two hours of drinking several beers, one of them asked me if I wanted to have sex with him.

I agreed.

One minute I was fully clothed and the next I wasn’t. It happened so fast.

He went into me and he hurt me. There was no foreplay. There was nothing.

I told him clearly to stop, because he was hurting me.

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“Relax,” he said.

“I am relaxed,” I said. “You’re hurting me! Stop!”

He didn’t. He kept going. He had all his weight on me, so I couldn’t move or kick him off.

Eventually he finished, climbed off me and left to go talk to his friend who, was in the living room. I lay there hearing him tell his friend how I was “worthless,” and “disgusting,” and  how he would “never again” put himself in that situation.

When I got up. I found that I was bleeding.

I slowly got dressed, then went out to the living room and asked him if I could have a towel.

When he saw the blood on me, he remembered he hurt me and proceeded to yell at me, calling me a “bloody whore”  and “the worst f*** ever.” He told me I shouldn’t even ask for a cloth to clean myself up.

I replied quietly that I just wanted to clean his bed, not me.

I left. I had the worst walk of shame, then had to ride the bus to the other side of town. From there, I had to walk home.

That trip was awful because I had gone into shock and didn’t want to talk or to tell anyone what happened to me.

At the time, I blamed myself because I initially consented to sex.

But my initial consent didn’t matter.  What happened to me that day was consensual rape, which is when someone is forced to submit to continued intercourse after he or she revokes consent, according to an article written by Brian Dinday, criminal defense attorney.

I never reported the assault because I always felt like it was my doing.  But I didn’t ask for it. It wasn’t my fault.

Don’t let the same thing happen to you.  I urge you to be aware if someone, male or female, is too drunk to consent to sex and realize if you proceed to have sex with them, it is rape.

If someone tells you to stop, it means stop. Just because someone has had one too many doesn’t mean he or she lacks the authority to give consent.

And if you have been raped, you can report it  through the police or by calling the Rape Hotline at 530-342-RAPE (7273).

 

Chantal Richards can be reached at [email protected]theorion.com or @ChantieRichards on Twitter.

Illustration by Liz Coffee