OrionScopes: Week of March 13


Photo credit: Briana Mcdaniel

Editor’s note: The horoscopes below are compiled in a collaborative effort from The Orion’s opinion staff and have no actual bearing on current astrology.

Aries: You’re excited that you got to go home for spring break so you could finally have a meal other than the Celestino’s student special. While your parents are happy that you’re home they are already counting down the minutes until you leave. Your parents are more likely to see bigfoot this week than seeing you come out of your room. Try helping more around the house this week before your parents try to give you up for adoption.

Taurus: While spring break is a time to cut loose you’ve taken it too far. Just because there isn’t a line at Riley’s doesn’t mean you should go there every night. There’s no point in trying to make a memorable spring break when you black out for half of it. Try missing a buck night or two this week and have experiences you’ll actually remember.

Gemini: You’re upset that your roommate left for spring break and there is no one to hang out with. That would be fine if you actually ever went out to do things when everyone is in town. Complaining about how everyone left isn’t going to make them come back faster. Try meeting new people this week and stop being a lonely loser.

Cancer: You’ve been the designated driver since the semester began. Spring break won’t be any different since you meet all of your friends in the line of a bar. Although you constantly complain about your skyrocketing gas bill you stay up waiting for your friend’s 4 a.m. text. Try cutting loose and not being the designated parent this week.

Leo: You’ve been studying hard to catch up on that work everyone else has been slacking off on. This is good but you’re already prepared for finals week. A 98 percent isn’t failing so stop trying to compare your grades with everyone else. Actually have a life this week so that you don’t wreck the class’ curve.

Virgo: You’re upset that your roommate is coming home every night drunk, high or both. You think this might be payback since you suddenly had your significant other over more than your roommate and you agreed on. It is not revenge. Your roommate just has nothing better to do. Try spending time with someone other than your partner and maybe it won’t bother you so much when they interrupt your cuddle sessions.

Libra: You find it hard to hold down a job in Chico even though you leave every break and forget to let your boss know. Your roommates are getting tired of covering rent for you and your parents are getting suspicious about all the technicalities you’re getting fired on. Try being a little more responsible and holding down your job over spring break.

Scorpio: Your friends are getting tired of having to buy all of your drinks everytime you go out. Since you’re going out every night, this is a problem. Being a student is a job but not a paying one. Find yourself a steady job before ordering another round of drinks on your friend’s tab.

Sagittarius: This is the first spring break you haven’t spent focused on bar crawling. This is a good thing that means your college drinking phase has finally ended. The bars aren’t the only attraction around Chico. Try taking a hike at one-mile instead of falling into old habits.

Capricorn: It’s finally time for you to clean the pigsty of an apartment you live in. That sandwich that your mom made you on the first day of college should not have lasted all four years. The last person to step in your house was recently featured on the television show “I shouldn’t be alive.” Try finding your broom and dustpan or instead call Merry Maids to come clean up your filth.

Aquarius: Everyone has been calling you the life of the party but you know you’re actually dead inside. You don’t need to make crazy Chico experiences just to validate your college career. The all-nighters have really taken a toll on your grades and going out every night is burning through all your money. Try being a little more introverted this week so you don’t start on your seven-year plan.

Pisces: Your partner has been out of town for the break and you recently redownloaded Tinder. You know you’re not just trying to meet friends. It is not coincidental that you only call your significant other in between your Tinder dates. Try remembering that your partner is just visiting family and not lost at sea so eventually they’ll have to come back.