Whether on the way to class or while talking to your friends, there will be a time when Mother Nature calls and you must answer. Unfortunately, not knowing where your next leak will take place could be catastrophic and may lead to a stinky, sticky bathroom. To serve my due diligence, I present to you a collection of women’s and gender neutral restrooms, 33 in total, and how they rank. 

Let’s get down to business — and release it while we’re at it. 

First place goes to the Science building, with special appreciation for the single gender neutral bathroom on the second floor. One thing I particularly enjoyed is that there are bathrooms directly across the elevators on each floor — if you’re in a rush to do your thing, fret not. 

Spacious with hands-free technology, I was pleasantly greeted with a sink and a few used paper towels. Besides that, it was very clean. I appreciated the lock, which specified which way is locked and unlocked for all the paranoid pissers. 

Each bathroom follows a similar layout — floor-to-ceiling stalls, automatic sinks, toilets, and paper towel dispensers, white walls and grey tile floors. They do vary in certain details:

On the first floor, I was greeted by the most obnoxious fan noise, keeping it extremely frigid, smell-free and free from hearing the sound of your bathroom neighbor. 

The fourth floor is almost identical to the first, but with one important perk that I find most helpful: vacant nobs on the bathroom stalls. Bathroom doors that are floor-to-ceiling tend to be heavy and shut themselves. Unfortunately, without these vacant indicators, you have to push on the doors to see if they are occupied. 

Second place goes to the second floor of Glenn Hall. Although there are only two stalls, which occasionally creates a long line between classes, I’d say the wait is worth it. The second floor has automatic sinks, toilets, and paper towel dispensers. The larger stall has its own sink and mirror inside, as well as a clouded window for natural lighting — perfect for making sure you look fabulous before a class presentation. 

The bathrooms in Glenn Hall are similar in layout and overall vibe. They are small, but have beautiful tiles, ranging from green to tan, that feel very ‘70s. 

Besides an obnoxiously large crack in the third-floor stall, the third floor is very nice, as is the first. The first and third floors have my favorite flushing mechanism — the pedal-like flusher.

For the rest, I will simply give an overview of the bathroom’s features, noting the few that I especially dislike or find interesting, but I will not rank them, as they all have similar attributes. 

Bell Memorial Union

Head toward urban roots and take the half flight of stairs up to the restrooms, head through the door and BAM! Greeted with a second set of doors that would make someone barely holding it together lose their shit — hopefully not literally. If in a hurry to go, be sure to slow down before running into the second door. Neither door has handles, so you would assume that you could push either one and happily make your way in. Alas, you must only use the left, as the right is designated for those exiting the throne room. 

These are among the most run-through bathrooms I have seen on campus. With seven stalls, most are filled with banged-up and scratched-up doors. At least you have options if one stall smells particularly stinky. I did enjoy the almost floor-to-ceiling tile details. 

Thankfully, stocked with toilet paper and covers, that is about the best thing this bathroom has to offer. With non-automated toilets and sinks, I was wary of touching anything in this one. 

The second floor was a much better experience, with a cleaner feel in general — it actually smelled good there, maybe because there weren’t as many stalls. It also has the option to pull the door handle or use your foot for a hands-free method that is especially nice during flu season. 

Performing Arts Center

Depending on what entrance you come through, the first-floor bathroom is a bit hard to find since the bathroom signs can only be seen from a certain angle. Once you find them, you are met with an ominous side room and a … double-decker desk? With an automatic toilet flusher for the handicapped stall and pedal flushers for the rest, this bathroom was pleasantly surprising. The toilet seats are oddly high — perfect for those with knee, back, or mobility limitations.

As you go to enter the second-floor bathroom, you get to see a sneak peek of your destination through a foggy window. The second floor is essentially the same without the freaky desk and the high toilets. 

Behavioral and Social Sciences Building

Whenever asked about which building has the nicest bathrooms, people tend to point toward the BSS. However, I disagree. Since there is heavy foot traffic in these restrooms, they tend to get fairly dirty. There are no cracks in the doors, which is comforting, and the rooms are readily stocked with feminine hygiene products.

The gender-neutral bathrooms were a lot cleaner, but only had high-speed hand dryers instead of paper towels. Although hand dryers are more environmentally friendly, I have a personal beef with them after knowing how much bacteria is spread through their use. 

Tehama

If using the entrance closest to Butte station or the dining hall, you will have to walk across the building to reach the women’s restroom. After this journey, you’ll find yourself in an underwhelming, typically smelly, run-down bathroom and hopefully not have to wait in line. 

On the second floor, the closest bathroom is a gender neutral multi-stall one next to the stairs. This follows similar details of other gender neutral bathrooms on campus — floor-to-ceiling stalls with no cracks. You get many options for which sink you choose, whether it be manual or automatic. This may hold the record for the highest sink count on campus. 

The third and fourth floors are almost identical, with blue tiles lining the walls. The fourth floor is especially clean and fairly private — I assume, since it is where mostly faculty are located, not many students wander up there to use the bathroom. 

Holt Hall

As confusing as the building is, the bathrooms were surprisingly not too hard to find. Luckily, arrows line the walls and corners of hallways, pointing you in the right direction. The first floor of the East side (closest to Modoc Hall) houses a very normal bathroom, with three toilets that must be stomped on to flush, one automatic sink, two soap dispensers and two paper towel dispensers. The gaps were apparent, but not worrisome. 

Make your way over to the West side (closest to President Steve Perez’s mansion) and you will find some of the more unexpected bathrooms. The first-floor bathroom is the nicest on the West side, with two beautiful ochre chairs that match the color of the stalls, a plant, and a small table to set your food on. Wait … that sounds more like a lounge than a bathroom.

Holt Hall and other buildings, including Plumas, have “lounges,” or poor attempts of them, in the women’s restrooms. The PAC also has areas that look like they were once used for lounges, but have since been stripped of all decor except the suspicious-looking desk. While the original use for these rest areas was often for women to catch their breath or fix their makeup, they are now likely to be rarely used. Some may use them for breastfeeding, to chat with their friend as they wait for them to finish their business or to stare blankly at the wall. 

Floors two and three also contain similar chairs, with the second floor having red, stained, separated chairs, and the third with teal, leather, conjoined chairs. Other than that, these restrooms were not very exciting. They are neither clean nor dirty — just old.

Plumas 

Unfortunately, the first floor gets a lot of points docked since the small stall’s door is a pain to lock, leaving only one stall, which creates traffic during rush hour. You have the option of either an automatic sink or a manual sink. 

The second floor of Plumas has faded green, brown-ish tiling, with abstract stalls that make you wonder who came up with this combo. The two do not go well together and create a strange vibe, but they are something interesting to look at as you go. 

Tucked behind a photo wall of cows, you are greeted with an orange two-seater couch the height of my knee. Adorned with green floor and half-height tiling, this bathroom provides a welcoming, safe space to do your business. 

Modoc

I heard good things about Modoc Hall, but I was immediately met with disappointment. The first stall I went into had no toilet seat coverings. The ground was a real treat, with a pile of lint, dirt, hair and mysteries staring at me as I sat down. The second floor was all too similar to the first. 

At the time, I thought the tiling was neat, but I now see it is all too common and very similar in almost every bathroom on campus. A plus is that they have my favorite flushing mechanism — the pedal-like flusher. 

Kendall Hall

To no one’s surprise, the administration building had some pretty pleasant potties. I was shocked when I entered the rooms and they were nearing the size of a classroom. 

The first floor has gender neutral bathrooms, while the second floor has two women’s restrooms and two men’s restrooms. The second floor, on the west side, had the most space, with tiled floors, three sinks, and five stalls, each with an automatic toilet.

The other women’s restroom has a little waiting area with two chairs, much more comfortable-looking than the one in the other bathroom. Through the second set of doors is a slightly smaller room compared to the last, still bigger than my bedroom. The sink faucets were strange; they looked like those that would be on a bathtub or an older household bathroom sink. 

Ayres Hall

I was a bit surprised to find the first floor had a very nice, newer-looking bathroom. Most of this building feels old, especially the elevator, which led me to the second-floor bathroom. The bigger stall has a very large foggy window, where you can see passers-by, but they can’t see you.

This one was more what I was expecting for an art building — the doors have paint that may have rubbed off from the artist’s hands and arms. The cracks are a bit uncomfortable, but not the worst that I’ve seen. 

Arts and Humanities

The first and second floor restrooms are nearly identical, with lots of stalls, sinks and floor-to-ceiling doors. The third floor, however, is much smaller, with green tiled walls, two sinks, and three stalls. All are very clean, but tend to get very busy between classes. 

There are a bountiful number of bathrooms on campus. Which one will you choose?

Maya DeHoyos can be reached at [email protected]