Published 2004-04-28T00:00:00Z”/>

Travis Souders<br>Opinion columnist

The campaign to keep out-of-towners away from Chico on holidays gained a major victory Thursday, as droves of dread-locked hippies intent on swarming the Chico State campus were kept at bay by horse-mounted police forces on Earth Day.

“I think it’s time that all these stinky hippies realized ‘the party’s over,'” said Police Chief Truce Haggardly, echoing the slogan that was plastered all over downtown Chico. “Just because we’re a party town doesn’t mean we’re going to let holidays like Earth Day get out of hand.”

Despite only 65 people turning out for this year’s event, arrests were up compared to last year’s Earth Day “orgy,” Haggardly said.

More than 60 people were cuffed, nearly a 150-percent increase over last year’s numbers. The bulk of this year’s arrests were made for indecent exposure, police said.

“It was a sea of naked bodies rolling around in the Free Speech Area,” Haggardly said. “I don’t know what’s going on with today’s youth — I mean, we had nude people chained to trees, for Christ’s sake.”

One of those people was Davey Lovejoy, an environmental studies major who helped put the failed party together. He said that the tree bark digging into his skin was symbolic of his bond to nature.

“Earth Day is all about the connection to the environment,” Lovejoy said. “The pine sap sticking to my butt cheeks represents that connection.”

Besides the arrests, the rest of Earth Day ran smoothly. There were a number of small booths set up along the sidewalk by the Free Speech Area, giving away everything from tofu-pops and soy jerky to hemp trinkets and Hacky Sacks.

There was also a large pi–ata shaped like George W. Bush, constructed with recycled paper. The students went at it like Mickey Hart banging out a 15-minute drum solo at a Dead show.

The pi–ata was filled with carob chips, soy nuts and granola, and a large group of students said to be high on marijuana finally busted it open, strewing the contents all over the lawn. A melee ensued when the students jumped into the pile of goodies as they were overtaken with the munchies.

That’s when officers shot tear gas canisters into the crowd and started slapping the cuffs on partiers.

“No doubt, we wanted to announce our presence with authority. We meant business,” Haggardly said. “That much soy is just ridiculous.”

Of the 60-plus arrests, about half of them were from out of town. One of them, a College of the Redwoods student, was charged with inciting a riot.

“I was just sitting there with my guitar singing ‘Lesbian Seagull Freedom,'” said Harry Harmpitts, “and the next thing I knew, I was getting maced and nightsticked. They even crushed my guitar when I started singing “Give Peace a Chance.””

Haggardly defended the actions.

“That was one loud individual, I’ll tell you what,” Haggardly said. “He was singing at pedestrians, blaring his guitar…plus he had a sign that said ‘Peace on Earth.’ You don’t get much more raucous than that.”

But Harmpitts said he was disappointed that his Earth Day visit to Chico resulted in a subdued celebration. He said he was expecting a typical laid-back Chico atmosphere and instead got tossed in jail.

“It’s pretty messed up, man,” he said. “Chico’s famous for its wild Earth Days. Why can’t they share it with us?”

Other charges against party-goers included disturbing the peace, possession of pot brownies, naked twirling in public and having fun, which Haggardly noted was the most serious offense.

“We want to send out a clear message to anybody who thinks they’re going to come to Chico and have a good time,” he said. “Knock it off. The party’s over! Wait, did I say that already?”

Travis Souders is only joking and can be reached at:

<a href= “mailto:[email protected]”>[email protected]</a>

— Additional content provided by Jordan Wittman, who is also joking.