Professionalism suppresses authentic personalities

Illustration by Miles Huffman

Professionalism is a bizarre concept. Society has constructed this unpredictable behavioral modifier with loose definition and little practicality that now runs the business world.

Humans are the only creatures practicing it. It’s unnatural. And all I can really think is, who wants this?

At the recent business fair, a lot of men were dressed up.

It’s college.

When students are buttoning up jackets and tying their hair up, aren’t they just competing to see who can lie best to their interviewer? Inauthenticity has to be a lot less desirable than informality.

An easy counterargument might be: “Employers want to know how bad you want the job.”

Not bad enough to wear heavy black clothing in Chico weather for hours on end. Not bad enough to compromise my affinity for language.

And definitely not bad enough to shave.

I shave when I feel it starts to look bad, or when it’s scratchy enough to bother between my lover’s legs. There’s no employer asking me to go down on them, so until then, the scraggly facial hair stays.

Students have to hide their personal accounts from employers. Creating secondary Twitters, emails — all in the name of acting professional. Marinating social profiles with “My opinions do not reflect those of my company” ought to be enough.

If ever in a position of hiring, which is unlikely due to my predisposition to not dress up, I would hire based solely on realness and work ethic. A guy comes in with pajamas, sandals, looks unshowered, but with the references and the skill set? Great, when can he start?

Society is gradually embracing casualness. For an example, look to Discover’s new advertising campaign. The two people on either side of the transaction process are the same person: “We treat you like you’d treat you.”

The employee answering my calls needs to be dropping slang like bombs.

Ultimately, until cunnilingus appears on my resume, I don’t feel like shaving, altering my appearance or acting differently than normal to land a job.

But I’m broke, so once prostitution is legal I’m down.

William Rein can be reached at [email protected] or @toeshd on Twitter.