Dr. Oz: The medical version of Billy Mays

Illustration by Trevor Moore

I have watched maybe four episodes of “The Dr. Oz Show,” and it was only because my mother all but tied me to a chair and put toothpicks in my eyes to keep them open.

It was pure torture.

So imagine the gloating I did when it came out that 10 of his fellow faculty members at Columbia University called for his resignation because they didn’t think the university should support a man who peddles crackpot medical advice as “science.”

Truthfully, I can’t even believe that it took this long for someone to get fed up with him.

Since day one, Dr. Oz has been peddling miracle cures on his show, and it doesn’t take a medical professional to know that it’s all crap.

I hate to break it to people, but there is no such thing as a miracle cure that will immediately make people lose inches off their waistlines without exercise or a change in diet.

There’s also no miracle cure for most diseases out there, especially genetic ones.

Pretty much, if it sounds too good to be true, it is — especially if it’s on “The Dr. Oz Show.”

Look, I get it. We all want instant gratification when it comes to stuff like losing weight or getting over the common cold.

Unfortunately, that’s just not realistic.

Losing weight takes hard work both in dietary changes and exercise, not some miracle green coffee bean extract or red pepper jelly.

Now, I’m not gonna lie, there are some “home remedies” for stuff like cramps and a sore throat and whatnot (anise seed tea, by the way, for my female readers out there). But there’s a difference between something that’s real and something someone’s making a commission off of.

Again, if it sounds too good to be true, or if a product promises instant gratification, it’s more than likely just something that will end up as a waste of time and money.

So the next time my mother calls me in to watch the good doctor, I’m going to hole up in my bedroom and wait to see my actual doctor for sound medical advice.

I think I’ll skip the infomercial this time, thanks.

Megan Mann can be reached at [email protected] or @meganisthemann on Twitter.