My experience with depression

Illustration by Darian Maroney

I remember the first time I self-harmed.

I remember when I began to think that I didn’t want to live anymore. I’d had enough.

I remember the nights when I would put the blade against my skin and cut deep, preferring the physical pain rather than the pain that no one sees.

Not many people know this. It’s hard even writing this right now for other people to read. For other people to know something so personal about me.

But I’d like to think that sharing my story might help others that may be going through the same thing.

It’s been almost three years since I last cut, but the urges sometimes come back and suffocate me.

There are times when I feel like I’m going to be alright. But then the dark thoughts come back out of nowhere, and I feel that sense of hopelessness all over again.

I tried seeking help from counselors, and I even considered going to therapy. But because of my trust issues, I just couldn’t do it. I could not bear to tell some stranger all of my problems when I couldn’t even tell my parents.

So I learned to channel all those negative emotions into something productive.

I began to write, read and draw. Anything that would keep those negative feelings away.

I got a semi-colon tattoo on my wrist so that it would remind me that I can keep going on. I don’t need to self-harm. I am better than that.

Writing what I was feeling allowed me to unload all the emotions that I had built inside. It felt good, even though no one knew what I was going through.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t go to therapy or seek professional help, but there are other options for those who would rather not.

All of us deal with things differently.

Everyone has their own struggles and demons. Just because we can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not there.

People questioned me about why I was sad or depressed, and it didn’t help. It made me feel like my problems were insignificant.

They would tell me things like, “You have no reason to be depressed.”

Little did they know that I had a million reasons why I was the way I was. I just kept it all inside.

Depression is a serious issue, and I would like to tell others to please take it seriously.

Do not question people who say they are depressed.

Do not make their problems seem like no big deal. Like I said before, everyone deals with things differently.

I know this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I’m putting it out there for those who don’t realize that some people have serious issues and need support.

For those going through depression, I just want to say to hang in there. I know it’s rough, but it will get better.

Let’s survive one day at a time.

Daisy Dardon can be reached at [email protected] or @daisydardon on Twitter.