“This has been fun, can we go back to your place?” she says, as my heart skips a beat. Now comes the hard part.

“Sure, let me just get you a wristband,” I say, feeling like we’re off to Great America. “Did you bring a valid form of ID?”

Entering the dorms for the first time feels like checking into a total institution. Large groups of students immerse themselves in a closed community, trying to find their place, as the university holds them close.

Here’s the thing about dating in the dorms. It’s awkward. Also, people generally don’t want to do it right away.

In college, we often aren’t looking to get tied down immediately, according to the book “When Sex Goes to School,” by Kristin Luker. So, bearing in mind that freshman-year one-night-stands are extremely common, allow me to break down the options.

Bringing people from the outside in.

I tip my hat to the person who successfully gets a potential romantic partner, from the outside world, back to his or her room in the dorms. I never pulled it off. And even if I had, my roommate was a homebody, making samurai armor out of unused condoms on sex week. I would rather stare at crime scene photos than fumble through the awkward interaction required to get him out of the room.

Go to his or her place off campus.

This might seem like the best option but you’re rolling the dice with regards to where he or she lives. Waking up and doing a power walk of shame three miles back to the dorms— so you can make it before the dining hall closes— does not sound like an ideal hangover cure.

Date within the dorms.

Likely the most common form of dating while living in the dorms, this is probably the safest and most comfortable option. Until somebody gets pissed off about one of those one-night-stands we talked about. If that happens, you better hope he or she doesn’t live on your floor.

“Are we almost to your room?” She says, still out of breath from the stairs.

“Yeah, it’s right here. Just one minute, these magnetic doors are tricky.”

Not much longer now, just bear with me.

“Grab a condom off that samurai armor, will yah?”

“Ooh, yeah I think I’m just going to head home for the night, can you help me get this wristband off?”

The odds were against me from the start. Can’t win them all.

Everyone has to pay their dues in the dorms. Dating may not be easy but when things do work out, at least the doors are soundproof and they give you free condoms.

Grant Schmieding can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @theorion_news.