President Donald Trump was found dead in the Oval Office with a Big Mac in his hand Friday after giving a heated speech about Social Security payments going to dead people. Melania Trump, his third...

The Trump Administration stated in a press release Tuesday that it had misplaced the U.S. Constitution after taking it down to move it to President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-lago estate.  “Curious on...

It’s arrived at campus … the BLACK PLAGUE! Despite the health risk posed by the ancient sickness, the university announced they will not be ending school early, in fact, they will be extending the...

We all know the only politics that matter are those on a national and global scale. Local politics are a waste of time and energy, with little-to-no impact on the lives of the average citizen.  To...

The quadrennial tradition of Ye — formerly Kanye West — announcing his run for president was interrupted this week. In the middle of an unhinged, non sequitur rant that would make Alex Jones blush,...

Chico State has been taking notes from "Monsters, Inc."  and will be fully transitioning to a new energy source: scream power. Except instead of using the screams of children to power facilities, they...

Students’ hearts sank to their mixed-drink filled stomachs, as they received the late-night notification that class was in session Tuesday morning. Once the professors and faculty left the picket...

The year is 2033. All the water fountains have been replaced with rocket fuel. Keg Stands are a division one sport. There is not a single couch left uncharred within Chico city limits.  Respectable...

As the holiday season quickly approaches, we know many of you are thinking about gift-giving. It can be challenging to find the perfect gift for your loved ones, but at your Chico State family headquarters,...

A round of applause cascaded through the quarters of the fourth floor. This week's battle royale on Meriam Library’s third floor had come to an end. The winner, Gayle Hutchinson, grinned victoriously,...

It’s The Orion’s new satire column.  You can find it under 'features.'  Webster's dictionary defines satire as “writing that exposes or ridicules conduct, doctrines, or institutions either by...

Chico State students have long lamented the terrible state of parking at the university. Now, a potential lethal solution is being proposed by the administration.  Czar of Parking Services, Anita Dahller,...