I’ve had some of the best times of my life with partners who were strictly no-strings-attached sexual partners, booty calls or friends with benefits.
I used to say that these were the perfect college relationships. There is no insecurity about cheating, no drama to handle and there’s still amazing sex to be had.
However, since getting a girlfriend I have realized that, in terms of my happiness and fulfillment, the deep connection and true friendship involved in being in a committed relationship does not compare to the emotional shallowness of no-strings-attached sex.
That being said, I still think that it is an awesome relationship style.
Sex buddies have a connection as well. The connection is mostly physical, but there is also a certain level of comfort gained from knowing that the relationship is purely sexual.
Both people can relax and have fun with each other without jealousy or insecurity. If I saw one of my sexual partners out partying and they were with another guy, I could go up to them, say “hello” and move on with my night without any emotion. They could do the same to me.
Two people may not talk often, or have really deep and meaningful conversations, and when they hang out it’s just to have sex.
Yet it’s a beautiful thing.
The physical connection is so strong that whenever they see each other it pulls the two together like a magnet. Awkwardness is thrown out the window. In that sense, it’s like seeing an old friend again.
For those beginning a sexual relationship with someone, either tell them explicitly or give off extremely strong signals indicating that sex is as far as you want to take it. I have never experienced a blow-up of feelings with a no-strings-attached sexual partner, from either party, although it has happened to my friends.
It’s not pretty and it is highly avoidable.
It’s simple — do not lead people on. I wouldn’t text them just to see how their day is going. I wouldn’t invite them out on dates. I wouldn’t let myself get into really emotional conversations. I wanted to let them know that I wasn’t looking for anything more than sex, and sexual partners have done this with me as well.
This is perfectly fine — as long as both people are looking for the same thing.
Once one person sees feelings start to emerge, it’s time to either talk about it or end the relationship before it goes further, unless the feelings are mutual. It’s their responsibility as the other half of the relationship, and the other half of the connection.
Michael Karp can be
reached at [email protected]
or @_Michael Karp on Twitter.
