There’s a certain warm feeling you get walking down the Chico streets of Ivy and Hazel. It’s hard to say if this fuzzy feeling is brought on by the serene sound of bumping house music, the glistening glass from broken bottles on the sidewalk or the sweet scent of piss and vomit on the street. 

This warm feeling of acceptance on the streets of Chico is a product of our Greek community. The boys and girls of Greek life welcome all with open arms in preserving the safe and mellow vibes of Chico.

The poor Greeks are having a tough go of it, with membership numbers declining. Whether this decline is due to pledges dying from hazing or the vanilla diversity, it’s hard to say. However, it is clear that the frat bros and sorority hoes are losing their party rep.

Fraternities like Sigma Ligma are facing hard times with the beefcake boys being exiled by their national chapter. The sad studs could do nothing to save themselves from the cruel accusations of elephant walks and sexist talk. In the ultimate symbolic display, their letters were removed from their chapter house by the mysterious robed figures sent from their national headquarters. 

The tight-knit sorority chapters, who come together in sisterhood and speak highly of each other at every opportunity, are facing similar problems. Recently, every hot girl’s dream was crushed with the death of the “Fraternity Sweetheart contest.”

Winning this contest could make them a fraternity’s “it girl.” The contest winners were allowed to go to every party the frat offered to the public and spend outrageous amounts of money on the boys. 

The banning of this competition is a sad loss in the community. Many have come together to mourn the death of their abilities to brag about their sorority winning the competition. 

In this time of profane loss, the Greek community has held its head high, celebrating the life of their unity every chance they get. Since the competition has been banned, there have been no problems with fraternities harassing women. 

Regarding these insights, it’s hard to tell why Greek Life is diminishing nationwide. Hopefully, behind closed doors, the overlords of Greek society can align the stars to help gain followers again. 
Meara Hain can be reached at [email protected].