Published 2011-02-01T22:36:00Z”/>
Joanna Hass
Sometimes common courtesy keeps us from what we want the most – like giving someone a good punch to the face.
You can call it swift justice, corporal punishment or simply warranted, but throughout the day you’re likely to find someone snapping the final straw right in your face. The perpetrators of nit-picky annoyances and vein-throbbing aggravations used to walk away with wrists un-slapped before websites like peoplewhodeserveit.com.
The writers of this comedy blog and recently-released book take it upon themselves to verbally assault those offenders with a good old fashioned tongue-in-cheek-lashing. The site deems its subject to be “socially responsible reasons to punch someone in the face” and this imaginary security service does a pretty good job of bruising the egos of common variety idiots.
Since this secret service of civility can’t be everywhere at once, there are a few types of people around campus I would like to figuratively introduce to my fist.
<strong>The Selfish Stair Stepper</strong>
Chico State may be known for a lot of things, but one of those things is not the width of its staircases. So when my fellow cross-campus commuters think it’s OK to clog up the already congested path just because they feel like it, I have to wonder how they think it affects the people standing barely an inch away from them. Don’t even get me started on what this would mean in a smoky situation.
So let’s keep it sensible and run it like the Pacific Coast Highway – steady speeds with no passing lanes while walkers keep to the right.
<strong>The Classroom Defense Attorney</strong>
Unsolicited rebuttals to the professor are a no-no, but the Classroom Defense Attorney doesn’t seem to think so. Do not argue with professors or correct them in any way shape or form. No student will ever get the better of this exchange. The student in question either comes across looking pompous, inconsiderate or, in most cases, just plain stupid when the teacher turns out to be right.
Looks can’t kill, but if only they could at least make you turn around and notice that the entire class wants you to shut up. There’s a reason I paid my bloated tuition bill, got up early and actually did the reading for this class, and it wasn’t to sit through the world’s only doctor still working on that bachelor’s degree to remind me how to hate.
<strong>The Token Group Slacker</strong>
This nuisance knows who he is and, worse yet, he does it on purpose. He survives off those who just want to keep their heads down and make it through the semester with the best grade possible. He robs the grade-conscious students of their free time by not answering the mass text and turning in his portion of the work without being properly formatted. He never takes the time to learn the requirements of a project and relies on you to pay attention in class.
These types are truly the scavengers of Chico State. They take whatever halfway-decent grade the team is left with once the actual workers are done scrambling to cover for the slacker’s under-achievements, allowing the slacker to coast through on a mixture of laziness and a rousing game of
playing dumb.
<strong>The Textbook Liars</strong>
Nobody wants to end up with a wavy textbook previously soaked in a mystery liquid and stained any number of unsettling colors. However, this is the state of most books sold over the Internet. “Like new” and “acceptable” are words that mean something, but the previous owner wouldn’t know that as she clearly prefer to wipe her mouth with her books instead of actually reading them. Honestly using the rating system set forth by the .com gods doesn’t seem to mean anything to her because she can hide behind the backlight of a computer screen. But karma is nothing if not cranky and I hope it strikes you in the syllabus come
next semester.
<strong>The Grumpy Student Employee</strong>
Interacting with the student employees of Chico State isn’t always a terrible experience, but looking at some, it seems their lives are constantly at some level of terrible. You’d think this would be the ultimate job to wear a smile for since they get to interact with fellow students and often times work minutes from bed. But for some reason frowns follow me through the food court and they always seem to be giving away scowls with every purchase. And even though it’s comforting to see that they want to be dealing with me as little as I want to be dealing with them, I’m just trying to get my financial aid and get out of here as fast as possible – not make some twenty-something-year-old
hate life.
Joanna Hass can be reached at
