This past year has been an interesting exploration for me. I have been actively enjoying my sexuality and exploring my fantasies along with experiencing some things that are considered kinky.

Some of these things would have seemed taboo or shameful when looking at different fantasies from a vanilla sex or vanilla frame of mind. This was a very hard thing to do when thinking of how to talk to my partner about what I wanted to explore especially when I was single.

There are different ways to bring up the conversation with someone. Sometimes you can manipulate the way you meet someone so that the conversation can be less daunting.

An important part I had to think about before having this conversation was to find out what I wanted to try. Research helped me to find out different things I wanted to try or hadn’t heard of but sounded interesting. This can also provide some great material for fantasies for solo play.

Dating on the Internet doesn’t have to be limited to the usual websites. There are places online for fetishes and they have very strict rules. Keep in mind there are a lot of creeps out there, and it’s not limited to a gender.

When working online keep in mind that this is a good time to be very selective in who you talk to, and don’t feel obligated to speak with anyone or answer questions you aren’t comfortable with.

This is a time to be confident and to have a plan in mind and stick with it. I also recommend that if you decide to meet someone face to face, be smart. Meet during the day, stay away from alcohol or other substances and have a friend that is sort of in the loop (i.e. knows you’re going on a blind date – you don’t have to give too much detail).

The conversation I found to be a little hard was with my monogamous partner. I went through a period of feeling him out a bit and seeing how he would take little suggestions in the moment. We did end up having a longer conversation to see if we were on the same page regarding experimentation and what we might be interested in.

I suggest finding something that fits each person. There is no “one size fits all” to this conversation, but here are some helpful tips:

• Research can introduce some different movies that may have scenes you could watch together and use as a segue to talk about a fantasy. Music videos are also good for this; fetishes are used in them a lot.
• Help alter the way some things might be viewed and show that it’s normal, as suggested in Psychology Today. A great way to look at it is role play and becoming different characters. Many popular ones play with a power dynamic, such as teacher and student or boss and secretary.
• If really comfortable or bold you can be very blunt and let your partner know that you want to try some things on the kinkier side.
• Go to a sex shop together and point out items that look fun.

A large part for me is that sex is a way to let go of expectations of others. Be totally present and have fun (especially with tickle torture). Sex can be a great creative outlet.

Joann Chevaillier can be reached at [email protected] or @jmc_8284 on Twitter