Editor’s note: The horoscopes below are compiled in a collaborative effort from The Orion’s opinion staff and have no actual bearing on current astrology.

Aquarius: You continue to go out every weekend and spend money you don’t have to look cool on Instagram and Snapchat. You need to stay home and save your money so you can afford food that isn’t ramen and Taco Bell. Your spending tendencies are gong to run up your credit card bill. Keep it cool and quit trying to be a baller.

Pisces: People never believe anything you tell them. This is because you are a notorious liar. This wouldn’t be so bad if you could at least keep up with the lies you are telling. As you are reading this, you are probably lying to yourself saying that this isn’t related to you. This does relate to you. Try remembering the things you tell people this week if you’re going to keep your lying habits.

Aries: You don’t have the confidence that most people do because you think you are ugly. The truth is you are. Try going to the WREC and working out so you have a banging body to mask your ugly face. If that still doesn’t work, try wearing big sunglasses, invest in good quality makeup and date someone even uglier than you are to boost your confidence.

Taurus: You are still obsessed with the same lousy person from the past. It’s time to get over it and move on to something bigger and better. Your compulsion to stalk and analyze what they are posting on social media is getting out of hand and is scary. Instead of worrying about what they are doing, focus on making yourself better.

Gemini: All you do is oversleep and overeat. No one wants to hang out with you because you are boring and never leave your room. You need to get a social life and maybe a few hobbies so you don’t end up watching yourself on “My 600 Pound Life” while eating leftover fried chicken. Text your friends that have created a separate group chat you are not in and see if they will let you back into their social group.

Cancer: You have been gossiping too much and to the wrong people. You need to try keeping your opinions to yourself this week. Listen to your momma’s advice: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. It’s not too late to keep the friends that are still by your side.

Leo: Your temper and moodiness have gotten out of control. You are going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep raising your blood pressure so high. Try to relax by taking a yoga class this week. Calm yourself down when you start to get mad with soft music and good candles. No need to be so angry, life is good.

Virgo: Crying about everything is not cute. You need to stop being so emotional and sensitive about everything. All you do is blow everything out of proportion which is why no one wants to kick it with you. Stop being so dramatic and have thicker skin. No one is out to get you, so stop looking for reasons to get upset.

Libra: You spend all your money on useless things and fatty foods. This has led you to become broke and chubby. You can be broke and chunky or fit with money, but you can’t be both. Limit yourself to one and try to kick your bad habits. If your friends are the problem, get new friends that will motivate you.

Scorpio: You think you are a model because you have a lot of followers and have been getting a good amount of likes on Instagram. You are not a model, you just keep posting the half naked pictures because you’re thirsty. Quit with the booty pics and start posting something your family would approve of so they will stop talking about you behind your back.

Sagittarius: You tell yourself you want a special friend, but once you find someone genuinely into you, you sabotage it. Make up your mind on what you want. If you choose to go crazy, then do it and stop wasting other people’s time. If you want to settle down and have someone to cuddle with you, then start acting more mature and quit ruining a good thing.

Capricorn: Stop being so lazy and get your life together. Do some cleaning, laundry and go to class. You’re starting to smell because you have worn the same pair of pants for three weeks just because you don’t have the motivation to throw your clothes in the washer. Get off your butt and get stuff done. Time to do some adulting.