The thump of the bed against the wall, the squeaking of the mattress and cries of passion leave me sweaty, breathless and wanting a do-over.

Let’s be real, making noise in bed is a huge turn-on for both sexes.

Most of the time.

When the noises being made get borderline creepy, too dirty and downright disturbing, there is a problem.

I’ve heard a lot of noises and made some myself in the bedroom. Here are a few examples: 

Mute or mouse

There was one partner I had who wouldn’t make a peep. No heavy breathing, no words, nothing. He enjoyed what I was doing but was never vocal about it. I get being quiet, but too quiet is weird and results in me turning music on or becoming more vocal to fill the silence.

If you’re not inclined to make noises, make sure your partner knows ahead of time.

Communicate so your partner doesn’t think you’re bored out of your mind or falling asleep.

Religious experience

I am guilty of this. Between the thrusts, kisses and different positions, sometimes yelling, “Oh my god” adds to the whole experience. Most of the time, it happens when trying to breathe through the pleasure so it comes out raspy, which really gets your partner going.

There is nothing wrong with this. Sometimes, whispering it in your partner’s ear leaves them praying for more.

Heavy breather

This is the most common noise made in bed. I like breathing heavily without making any other sound, if I can help it. I, like many others, am aware of roommates and neighbors.

This lets your partner know you are enjoying the experience, especially when you breathe slowly then faster and faster until they have finished.

Dirty mouth

This is not one you can clean up with Orbit. Dirty talk is fun, exciting and a turn-on. Until it goes too far.

Telling your partner things like, “You like that, you dirty bitch?” and “I want you to piss all over me” is not OK. Ever.

I have had the dirty talkers and usually pulled a face of disgust in the middle of a spew of horrible words.

Things like, “You like that? Me too,” “I am going to go slowly and then I am going to go hard” and “I….loooooove….youuuuuu” are all acceptable. Tone it down and take cues from your partner.

Daddy’s home

Yelling “who’s your daddy?” or “daddy, that feels good” is not my cup of tea. Where this came from, I will never know.

Some people are into it and have learned to like it somewhere along their sexual journey.

I found out I wasn’t into it when a partner kept asking me to call him, “daddy” and say dirty things during sex. It was disturbing and felt like borderline incest to me.

Other noises

Screaming is a sexy sound. I have screamed before, but usually I muffle it with a pillow over my face so it doesn’t sound like I am getting murdered.

Other noises you might be familiar with is the quick grunt, the “HUH” that sounds like a baboon calling its mate.

Another common sound is the “Ah-ah-ah” in different pitches and at different volumes that are usually said in succession.

I even had a partner roar like Chewbacca. That was weird, and left me wondering how he could make that sound.

But no matter what weird noises escape your lips while you’re in the middle of passion, you and your partner should both enjoy them.

Raise your voice and let your vocals add to your sex life, not cause detrimental harm.

Chantal Richards can be reached at [email protected] or @ChantieRichards on Twitter.

Illustration by Liz Coffee.