‘The Dope Game’ made me do it


The main menu of the “The Dope Game” Photo from steam.com

Ulises Duenas

We all know that the best way to learn how to do something is by playing a video game version of it. “Street Fighter” turned me into a stone-cold fighting machine and “Fortnite” has given me lightning-fast carpentry skills. That stuff is great and all, but I need to learn more practical skills for today’s economy.

Students know how hard it is to make ends meet and with all news about fees increasing, I figured I had to get ahead of the problem before I got taken advantage of. That’s when I found the “The Dope Game” a brilliant drug dealing simulator that’s as accurate as it is fun. Playing this godsend has given me all the knowledge I need to make thousands of dollars and it can do the same for you. Now before this gets out of hand I want to make one thing perfectly clear: I’m not suggesting that students sell drugs, I am demanding it. 

Let me ask you a question: would you rather break your back day in and day out for dimes or be like our founding fathers and blaze a trail of your own? Be your own boss and unleash your inner Walter White. All you need to do to succeed is remember the words of the wise poet, Biggie Smalls, “never get high on your own supply.”

“The Dope Game” is pretty simple to play. You start off with a small amount of money and use that to buy and sell drugs for profit. It’s an extremely relatable backstory. So many of us were thrust into the real world with only a small amount of cash and were told: “now make more if it.” I would have liked a more realistic “hard” mode that added in tuition costs and various bills to really make it feel authentic.

Some people may think that selling drugs, especially to addicts, is wrong and would only be done by the lowest of the low. I completely agree with that sentiment, the pharmaceutical industry has been cornering the addict market for years and leaving only scraps for us small entrepreneurs. “The Dope Game” lets me put my business minor to good use. I can finally give back to the community that’s given me so much. When I buy a brick of heroin from my friendly neighborhood dealer I know it came from an honest, caring place and not some soulless lab in Bangalore. Then when I sell it to some toothless Joe I know that I’m making a real difference out there. In the game.

Normally at the end of a story like this, I give the game some type of score. In this case, I can’t simply assign some number of stars to the invaluable knowledge I got from “The Dope Game.” This game isn’t easy, but anyone who is able to learn and master “The Dope Game” will never have to worry about money ever again. Unless they get caught or something, then you have to start over.

Ulises Duenas can be reached at [email protected] or @OrionUlisesD on Twitter.