Sex is as unique as you are, so do you.
Sex is as natural as eating or walking. Yet the shame associated with it can be acquainted with committing a crime. We worry our neighbors will hear. We giggle when it is brought up in public. Our sex education system focuses on shame instead of safety and pleasure.
Many of us have gone through the awkward self-guided tour through sex. We figured it out and made it through. But what happens when the spark burns out? Most people turn to adventure in the bedroom.
Kinky sex isn’t missionary with soft kisses, but it doesn’t have to be “love” free.
There are so many options when it comes to kinky sex. BDSM, threesomes and the list goes on. While most of us aren’t trying to dress up as a pony and get spanked with a riding crop. Most of us do have some kind of desire for danger. No matter how hidden that is.
Finding the type of kinky sex you want to give a try is a really important step. Going into a situation and saying you are open to anything is rarely true. Often times people have a limit but they are afraid to tell it to a partner. Disappointing your partner should never be a concern when you uncomfortable with an act.
Threesomes are a great example of something people will say they are okay with until it gets to it. Visualizing your partner with someone else can be hurtful, but seeing it in real life can be devastating. Researching and taking the acts serious is the best way to have a good time and an even better story.
Starting steps to kinky sex:
1. Be with someone you trust- First, and foremost, is trust. When getting kinky sometimes you can get in compromising situations. You need to be able to depend on that person to untie you when you ask. You and your partner’s safety and happiness must be top priority.
2. Know your limits- Expressing clearly what you do and don’t want is important. Getting caught up in the moment is hot, but you don’t want to go too far without expressed permission. Discussing you and your partner’s fantasies is helpful and fun.
3. Spend some cash- Purchase any possible tools and devices to fulfill those fantasies of yours. Either buy online or head to a local “supply shop.” Going in person will allow you to look at things in person. Most stores have certain objects out for you to hold and look at. No matter what you are buying texture and feel is so important.
4. Pregame that shit- Foreplay is important. If your partner always just wants to jump to the end goal change that. Next time tell them to slow down, start the foreplay on them. Then give the hint to start on you. It will be a lot hotter and the anticipation is going to make it the better. When in a new situation having time to relax into it is so important.
5. Get to it when you are ready- Like getting into a warm bathtub take it a step at a time. Make sure there is confirmation of every step. Discuss safe words or signals (some kinks you won’t be able to talk during.) Consent is so important. If your partner’s demeanor changes even if they didn’t ask you to stop. Stop and make sure everything is okay. No one should ever be really hurt or scared. Kinks are fun because they are consensual and desired not because of the act alone.
Now that you have given your first shot at your fantasy, find another one or cuddle. Sex is up to you and what happens should be on your terms. Empowered sex is good sex. Don’t get stuck in the traditional view of sex; you’ll be stuck spinning around in an unfulfilling wash, rinse and repeat cycle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to experiment just as there is not wrong with simply wanting to be made love to after a dinner date. Explore your desires and find what works best for you!
Rachael Bayuk can be reached at [email protected] or @BayukRachael on Twitter.
