College students like to know what they’re getting in to before enrolling in a class.

What if the teaching style clashes with my delicate attention span? What if the professor is a monster? What if they’re a stone-cold fox?

With all of these questions regarding one of next semester’s professors swirling through my brain, I hopped on to ratemyprofessors.com, everyone’s favorite teacher evaluation website.

“Just take him … you’ll see … He is very, ummm, interesting.”

As my mind ran wild contemplating all of the possible implications of having an “ummm, interesting” professor, I began to question Rate My Professors’ relevance.

For the sake of future readers’ time and education, here are a few common evaluation balks that would be better off left unwritten.

Nebulous maximus

Some students’ Rate My Professors reviews are so ambiguous and poorly thought out that you’d think it was an assignment for a lower-division Pathway course.

Unless the reader is unclear as to how education has functioned during the past 15 years of their life, comments like “Just do all of the assignments and pass the tests and you’ll be fine” really don’t help much.

When evaluating professors, specifics are always helpful. Foreboding and vague statements like “He’s slipping”— not so much.

Flame on

Hell hath no fury like an undergrad scorned, and Rate My Professors is the perfect forum to mouth off with no consequences.

Just ask professor Ronnie Crane of Hawaii Pacific University, who apparently “looks like a fried Barbie doll and acts like one too.”

Insulting evaluations usually come from bitter and entitled students lacking the necessary maturity to process their failures.

Poking fun at a professor can be entertaining, but taking a cheap shot on an anonymous forum seems a little asinine, and are more indicative of the student’s character rather than the professor’s.

“Unclear, Poor Grading System, Smells like old Bandaids, what more can I say?”

A lot. You could say a lot more.

Hot for teacher

Whether they want to admit it or not, students can’t help but get excited when they see a flaming chili pepper.

There’s no shame in admiring a professor’s aesthetic giftings, but when a student’s libido hijacks the whole review, Rate My Professors gets real dumb, real fast.

“He is very funny and likes to make jokes. He definately (sic) knows what he is talking about and DAMN IS HE SEXY!!!”

I like classroom eye candy as much as the next guy, but it takes a bit more than a sultry scholar to get me hot and bothered for class.

Rate My Professors can still be a useful tool for students to choose classes and offer feedback. All it takes is some concrete detail, a cool temper and a cold shower.

Zachary Phillips can be reached at [email protected] or @ZachSPhillips on Twitter.