Study Break: ‘Jupiter Ascending’ review

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Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis star in “Jupiter Ascending,” the latest film from Andy and Lana Wachowski. The movie opened in theaters on Feb. 6. Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures.

The film “Jupiter Ascending” is an intergalactic Cinderella story with absurd action and a bland storyline.

The movie, which stars Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Sean Bean and the recently Oscar-nominated Eddie Redmayne, opened in theaters Feb. 6.

The story opens up as if it is a fairy tale. Two people meet in Russia and get together. Then tragedy strikes, sending the pregnant mother on a boat where she gives birth to our main character, Jupiter Jones.

Many years pass and she is now Kunis, a housekeeper by day, a hater of life by night. This routine continues with no sign of her ever wanting to change until Jupiter ends up at a clinic where she is drugged by aliens disguised as doctors.

Here she is saved by a hunter with awesome gravity boots played by Tatum.

He’s on a mission to save, kidnap and drag her around like a rag doll because apparently she’s a reincarnation of the Abrasax’s recently murdered mother.

The Abrasax’s are a royal space family intent on farming Earth. Since Jupiter is on the verge of inheriting the planet, the Abrasax siblings refuse to let this happen. The whole movie then centers around Jupiter and those who want to see her die.

One of Jupiter’s weaknesses lies in herself. Kunis can’t act to save her life. Her monotonous voice and inability to change her facial expression is cringeworthy.

With every scene, Jupiter just drags along, half asleep, as if waiting for the end to come. She is a passive character with no aspirations and the audience is supposed to root for her?

The only time she stands up and fights is toward the end when she’s face to face with Balem, the eldest Abrasax sibling, and even then she’s monotone.

Her leading man, Tatum, who’s character is half human and half wolf, looks like an ’80s glam rocker. Tatum and Kunis have little to no chemistry together and their romance seemed forced. This may very well be due to the cheesy dialogue both were given.

Redmayne, who was recently nominated for his performance as Stephen Hawking in “The Theory of Everything,” plays Balem. He whispers his dialogue, and just as the audience leans in to understand him, he screams his orders to his reptilian army.

Here’s hoping that the Oscar voters decided to vote early because this won’t help Redmayne’s chances of taking home a statue come Feb. 22.

The movie, which also opens in 3-D, is at times visually stunning. There are a few beautiful set designs, and the costumes by Kym Barrett were absolutely amazing. With every dress change by Kunis, a girl could get jealous.

This is one of those movies where audiences will either love it or hate it. If the Wachowskis decided to stay with their original casting and kept Natalie Portman as Jupiter, then this probably would have been a different review.

Then again, Tatum does fight a lizard.

Erin Vierra can be reached at [email protected] or @gingersmurf85 on Twitter.