Editor’s note: The horoscopes below are compiled in a collaborative effort from The Orion’s opinion staff and have no actual bearing on current astrology.
Aries: Coming back from spring break is less difficult for you. Your homemade hangover cures have actually worked, and you’ve been feeling inspired to get started on upcoming projects. This is great, but you tend to go overboard and will end up trying to build a life-size model of Godzilla. Avoid being too ambitious this week otherwise you’ll end up trying to live on energy drinks.
Taurus: Spring break hasn’t officially ended for you yet. Your mornings aren’t until 3 p.m. and you’re still drinking enough to kill a horse every night. Try finding your way to class this week instead of at bars, and focus on getting your life back in order or risk ending up in the next Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
Gemini: Your curiosity has led you to try new things. This wouldn’t be bad, except each “experience” is illegal in every state. Although spring break was a great time to shrug off some responsibility and let loose, it’s time to get back into old, boring habits. Try finding the pleasure in the lines of books instead of on coffee tables.
Cancer: It’s relatively hard for you to accept that spring break is over. The days of sitting out on the beach have been replaced with early morning lectures and over caffeinated drinks. Even though you’re in denial, your classes are still being held. Focus on remembering how to be a student, and not on the great times you had last week.
Leo: Instead of going out during spring break, you stayed at home and did your assignments. This is great for you, but not anyone else around you. Even though everyone is struggling to catch back up, you are constantly nagging them about how they should have done their work on time. Try being more humble this week to avoid the wrath of party-deprived college students. They don’t need you if they already have parents nagging them.
Virgo: You are notorious for slacking off on group assignments. Spring break did not help this at all. While other classmates are finishing up their projects, you have spent most of your free time partying and letting your group down. Your motto of “C’s get degrees” doesn’t work for everyone around you. The frantic scramble to finish the work you’ve been slacking on might save your grade, but also try owning up to your mistake this week.
Libra: A majority of your spring break consisted of annoying your roommates with drunken rants and sleeping on the living room floor. Now that this is over, you still hold a firm belief that you can make the world’s first “portable party couch”. You cannot. Ground yourself in the real world this week and try to make it to your own bed, you’re roommates would appreciate not having to step over your drunken body every morning.
Scorpio: Spring break was great for you until you ran into one of your professors while buying alcohol. Despite your elaborate theories on how your professors are gossiping about the incident, they are all false. Try not focusing on the incident, and remembering that your professor was probably doing the same thing. Even teachers need to let loose.
Sagittarius: Even though spring break has just ended, you’re already complaining about having too much to do. Your ideas about ditching the first few classes because you have never missed are very flawed. Missing classes to do late homework doesn’t work if you don’t actually do anything. Procrastination was your enemy this spring break, so try actually doing the work you need to catch up on and remember to go to class.
Capricorn: You’ve finally found the perfect way to get drunk under an hour after some intense partying. This, unfortunately, has come at the end of spring break. Try reapplying your dedication to studying instead to fix your grades. Drinking in college is great, but getting an F in every class this semester isn’t.
Aquarius: You spent most of spring break in your room and lurking on YouTube video comment sections. This has made you hostile toward people who try to talk to you. You’ve been challenging people on random topics, and citing random sources. The post that “Ballerz13” made on nuclear physics isn’t expert advice. Try socializing more this week, and avoid believing in everything you read.
Pisces: Hosting the final spring break party was a bad decision. The clean up from your anything but clothes party is going to take the rest of the semester, especially with the random pieces of debris in every corner of the house. The plastic bags and traffic cones might have made the night memorable, but it’s also created a giant mess. Try avoiding the party scene until the end of the semester, and host a wine night next time instead.
