Published 2010-09-15T00:00:00Z”/>

Boshion Crandall

Going to high school in a small mountain town with a whopping population of 2,000 and a school of 200 students didn’t afford a lot of dating options.

I wasn’t taken by the flannel shirts and beat-up trucks that were so popular among the male specimens in Chester. My friends were boys and I flirted with them endlessly, eventually becoming known as a “tease.” I never dated any of them because I was a prude &- and chewing tobacco disgusted me.

I left home for college and moved to the Bay Area and then to Italy before settling in Chico. Somewhere in between the lovely ladies of the bay and the smooth-talking Italian men, I decided that I would continue to not date anyone so that I could date everyone.

For a few years I was like a kid in a candy shop with a sugar addiction and Attention Deficit Disorder. I didn’t know what I craved, but I knew I wanted to try everything. And so I did.

This is when I turned into a dating disaster. I got away with dating multiple people at once by pulling the “we aren’t together” card if they had issues with me sleeping with someone else.

At that point, some would tell me to “piss off.”

The majority, however, would stick around and try the daunting task of dating me. Sadly for them, it was wasted energy. Eventually I would trump them with the highest card &- “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Instead of just keeping it casual, I would treat the people I went out with as if they were my significant other. I would take them out to dinner on my dollar, hold their hand as I walked them to class and send them texts just to say “hi.” Then without notice I would dump them.

My friends began calling me “the Black Widow,” after the female spider that kills and then eats her male partner after mating.

The nickname made me realize that I was breaking the hearts of many when I didn’t need to be. What I really wanted was to enjoy the single life and have fun in the process, but that wasn’t the message I was sending.

My actions were telling them that I wanted to be with them or that we would be together eventually, when my intentions were only to sleep with them until I was bored.

Take it from me, trying to buy a drink for someone who already knows your nickname is the Black Widow when you don’t even know her name is uncomfortable. Especially when she won’t accept the drink because of the reputation it implies.

Save yourself the trouble of a nickname like mine. It’s embarrassing, not to mention hard to explain to the parental unit.

So, if you are at a stage in your sexual life where you want to get out there and experience the wide varieties of sweets in Chico’s candy shop then that’s fine, just follow this advice ehow.com gives regarding sending mixed messages &- be honest with yourself and be honest with your partner so that there is no confusion regarding the direction of your relationship.

Get out there and do your thing, just be sure to define what your intentions are to everyone involved.

Boshion Crandall can be reached at

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