Published 2009-03-23T00:00:00Z”/>
<strong>Aquarius<em>Jan. 20 – Feb. 19</em></strong>
You’ll soon find out what a rusty trombone entails.
<strong>Pisces<em>Feb. 20-March 20</em></strong>
Your favorite band doesn’t want you as a fan.
<strong>Aries<em>March 21-April 19</em></strong>
Your name means “dumbass” in Spanish. Coincidence?
<strong>Taurus<em>April 20 – May 20</em></strong>
You’re a lot like Weezer. You were much cooler 10 years ago.
<strong>Gemini<em>May 21 – June 21</em></strong>
Is that a trucker hat? Really? I mean, Jesus, dude.
<strong>Cancer<em>June 22 – July 22</em></strong>
That pill he gave you wasn’t birth control. It was a Mentos.
<strong>Leo<em>July 23 – Aug. 22</em></strong>
Don’t feel bad about last night. Experimenting is normal.
<strong>Virgo<em>Aug. 23 – Sept. 22</em></strong>
You’re lucky your dad was too cheap to buy condoms.
<strong>Libra<em>Sept. 23 – Oct. 22</em></strong>
Nice six pack. Still no friends though, huh?
<strong>Scorpio<em>Oct. 23 – Nov. 21</em></strong>
Your boyfriend thinks of me when he’s in bed with you.
<strong>Sagittarius<em>Nov. 22 – Dec. 21</em></strong>
That short skirt goes great with your low self-esteem.
<strong>Capricorn<em>Dec. 22 – Jan. 19</em></strong>
I think that cool nautical star would go great with your tribal tat.