With its sunny beaches, fertile farmland and bustling cities, California is nothing if not newsworthy.
The most recent story hovering over the state involves Silicon Valley businessman Tim Draper and his proposition to split California into six different states.
Draper’s new boundaries have California divided by its well-known regions. Chico would be a part of Jefferson, the state farthest north.
North California is just below that with Sacramento smack-dab in the center. Silicon Valley encompasses both its namesake and the Bay Area and Central California covers all that farmland everyone hates driving through. West California covers Santa Barbara and Los Angeles and South California has San Diego.
Although I can understand people’s apprehensions about such a drastic change, I think that splitting California really could be beneficial for all.
There are several reasons why California should be split into different states; the only thing better than one California is six of them.
Stereotypes
First and foremost, California is plagued by frustrating stereotypes.
“Do you surf to school?”
“Do you know Brad Pitt?”
“Have you ever slept on the beach with a traveling pack of nudist hippies?”
No. No on all accounts. Splitting California into six different states would mean that fewer individuals will have to suffer from harmful and irrelevant stereotypes.
The farmers of Central California will never be confused with the South California surfers or the hippies of Jefferson.
Water rights
The water allocation issue is one big reason for splitting into different states. Once separate, states will no longer have to ship all of their water away just to please the ingrates in Central California.
Central California can finally expand its horizons and rely less on farming and Jefferson can finally have the statewide sprinkler party it’s been planning for decades.
Political beliefs
Underrepresentation is a huge issue in California. Republicans have to face the injustice of being branded as a part of California’s Democratic majority culture every election season.
The government may be set up in such a way that protects minority parties and their voices, but California’s Republicans deserve to have their lack of liberal depravation acknowledged.
Education
It is true that California boasts the largest and the most prestigious public university system in the nation. However, anyone currently enrolled in it knows how overcrowded classes have become.
Signing up for classes at the end of the semester makes Black Friday look like a walk through Lower Bidwell Park.
Splitting California into six states will instantly remedy classroom overcrowding, because who’s going to pay out-of-state tuition to go from the Bay Area to Chico?
Vacation
Tourists flock to California to see its diverse landscapes and vacation sites. This state has it all: mountains, forests, beaches and deserts. Unfortunately, California’s lushness and beauty often prevents its natives from traveling abroad and seeing what other states have to offer.
Once California is split into six different states, going on an out-of-state vacation will be as simple as driving from San Francisco to Sacramento.
Interdependence
Although California will be divided, the split has the chance to bring unity. Each individual state will have a few key industries that will comprise most of its productivity; Silicon Valley has technology, Central California has crops and Jefferson has marijuana.
California has always been a place of progress and ingenuity. A six-way split is the next logical step in the Golden State’s gilded legacy.
In a sense, these states will function more like districts, contributing to the well-being of the whole nation through their specific industries.
There could even be some sort of yearly sporting event or tournament. Each state could draft a male and female tribute who would then be taken to an arena to compete in a fight to the death.
May the odds be ever in NorCal’s favor.
Zachary Phillips can be reached at [email protected] or @ZachSPhillips on Twitter.
