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The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

The O-Face: Repeated romps beat random hookups


I am in my first fully committed relationship and my first sexual relationship with a person I care about very deeply.

Six months ago I was single, and I have noticed some profound differences between the sex I had back then and the sex I am having in my relationship.

The obvious difference is emotional. I now know the difference between having sex and making love.

Emotion is a beautiful thing, and when you feel strongly for the other person it tends to permeate your sex life. It leads to caring more about your partner’s pleasure, their feelings and the meaning of the intimacy you share.

Sex was simply fun when I was single, and that was the main reason I had it. I really enjoyed having sex with those partners, but now I see a certain level of shallowness to it.

Don’t get me wrong — I liked it when I was single. However, at this point in my life, I couldn’t imagine having sex without the emotion I feel for my girlfriend.

Sex is also viewed more freely when you’re single, and rightly so. The opportunity for new sexual experiences with different partners is nonexistent for someone in a committed relationship.

I also used to talk about the details of my sex life more openly. It was more of a casual conversation six months ago.

Those details can become very personal to both individuals in a relationship, so they’re kept as more of a secret to be shared between one another.

Sometimes I miss talking about my sex life with my friends, but the secrets of my sex life with my girlfriend have become more important to me.

Another glaring difference concerns sexually transmitted diseases.

Every sexually active person should be aware of the realities of these ailments. While getting tested is just as important whether you’re single or in a relationship, single individuals should be getting tested more frequently and take more active steps toward prevention.

In a relationship, as long as both partners are loyal, I believe the concern is drastically reduced. If both individuals have tested negative, it’s very unlikely that either of them will contract an infection, unless it’s from another source.

The final difference I’ve noticed between being single and being in a relationship is how often I have sex.

I have sex way more often now than when I was uncommitted. I used to have sex mostly on the weekends, but now any day of the week and any hour of the day has potential for a romp session.

Because we are having it more often, and having it sober, the sex has gotten much better than it ever could have if we were still single.

If that’s not a positive aspect of having sex in a relationship, then I don’t know what is.

Being with my girlfriend has given me a different perception of sex and deeper meaning to the activity.

I now see it as more of a connection between two people, both physically and emotionally. I believe this has added value to my life that could have never been there without this experience.

Michael Karp can be reached at [email protected] or @_MichaelKarp on Twitter.

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