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The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

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Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

The O-Face: Compromising on sexual appetite

Photo credit: Kasey Judge

in levels of sexual drive can put a strain on any relationship. Some relationships may start
out with a good balance but eventually evolve so one
person has a significantly higher or lower sex drive.

This can cause strong emotions in both individuals and put a lot of stress on the relationship if the couple doesn’t address it.

The two sides of this issue are the side with the higher sexual appetite and the other with lower sexual appetite. What needs to happen is compromise and understanding.

The partner that wants sex noticeably more often can be left feeling physically and emotionally rejected by the other. As the partner with a slightly higher sex drive, I experienced this with my girlfriend while we were still exploring each other’s desires.

More often than not, this rejection of sex is not an outright rejection of them as a person, even though they may take it that way.

The reasons for a lower sex drive can range from feeling too tired, stressed or uncomfortable. They could also be feeling depressed or insecure about themselves and can’t make themselves vulnerable enough to have sex, regardless of who they’re having sex with.

I have now come to realize these realities and make accommodations for them. I have also experienced them myself.

At first I used to feel very rejected thinking it was all about me, even though I was being constantly reassured that it had nothing to do with me.

While sex is very important to me in my relationship, it’s not important enough to pressure her, make her feel uncomfortable or put her in an awkward position. I know she would never want to do that to me either.

If you’re the partner with a lower sex drive, it’s about communicating why you don’t feel comfortable. You need to convey why it’s not because of your partner so they can better understand your point of view.

Once they realize that it’s not about them, they’ll feel more comfortable looking at the situation through your eyes. However, understanding your partner’s needs is also very important, and if you can make sacrifices for them it will help your relationship that much more.

The key is understanding what you can do to help this part of your relationship and not expect your partner to make all of the changes. Once both of you have a handle on each other’s point of view, it becomes much easier to compromise about your desires.

Michael Karp can be reached at [email protected] or @_MichaelKarp on Twitter.

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