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The Orion

The O-Face: Common misconceptions about sex

Photo credit: Kasey Judge

Through my journey of sexual exploration, my views about sex have changed dramatically. Things I used to believe simply do not hold true for me anymore.

I have also noticed people around me continuing to view sex in some of these ways.

Here are a few
misconceptions I believe people have about sex:

Sex is over once the man climaxes

Male friends of mine have expressed that they feel the interaction is over once they have ejaculated, at least until they are ready to go again.

A large part of sex is about mutual satisfaction, and it contains many other aspects than traditional intercourse. Just because you have been satisfied doesn’t mean that your partner has, and there are many other pleasurable activities you can engage in until both of you are ready to go again.

If I have climaxed but feel that my partner hasn’t been satisfied yet, I like to continue the interaction by immediately going down on her and possibly using a sex toy or two. This lets her know that even though I have been satisfied, I still care about her pleasure and I haven’t suddenly become selfish after that moment.

The partner with a higher sex drive is supposed to initiate

Sex can, and should, be initiated by either partner.

If a couple hasn’t been having sex as often as usual, I’ve commonly observed the partner with a lower sex drive feels like their partner has lost attraction for them.

I think this is a huge communication issue and an unrealistic view of sexual roles. While sex drives may be different between partners, there should be no responsibility placed upon anyone to initiate sex.

I believe that it should be initiated by either partner any time they are ready and comfortable, and this process is made much easier with open communication about each other’s desires.

The longer it lasts, the better

Many women can actually experience pain, mainly from friction, after extended periods of sex. The misconception for men is that if you last longer, you are better in bed and are seen as a manlier person.

While this may be desirable for some people, there is nothing wrong or inherently less pleasurable about quick sex sessions.

You usually want to find a happy medium between having sex for too long and not long enough. If that medium is difficult to attain, methods such as penis pills and lubrication can get you where you want to be.

The pressure to last caused a lot of stress for me when I first began having sex, and it still affects me today when I feel like I haven’t lasted long enough.

The point is that it’s fine not to have marathon “sexcapades” all the time, and these aren’t any better or worse. To me, it’s the quality of any sexual interaction that matters most, not the quantity.

The goal of sex is to climax

Sex is a mutual connection through intimacy, pleasure and fun. This is my point of view, but people tend to judge their sex lives on the ability to climax and make their partners climax.

Orgasms are a large part of sex – it’s the big hoorah for both partners. But it is by no means an ultimate goal that anyone should set.

If climaxing or making your partner climax is your only goal, neither of those happening may ruin the entire sexual interaction for you, even if everything that happened before was wonderfully pleasurable.

Climaxing should definitely be a part of the experience, but it should not be the end-all be-all of sexual activity.

Of course, not everyone has these misconceptions about sex, but these are some of the ones I have noticed most often, and some that I believe can actually hinder the sex lives of those who still view sex this way.

Michael Karp can be reached at [email protected] or @_MichaelKarp on Twitter.

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