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Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Boundaries need to be set in relationships

Tara Miller
Tara Miller

Rape happens way more often than we realize. One thing that we don’t think of when it comes to rape is the fact that it can happen in relationships, including marriages. This is something that every couple needs to bring to attention in their relationship because it can happen, regardless of what kind of relationship it is.

Recently Melissa Gorga, known for her role in the TV showThe Real Housewives of New Jersey,” came out with her book Love, Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage.” The book has stirred up some controversy. In the book, she seems to support the idea of marital rape, even though she defends her book, stating that the word rape is “disgusting” and “horrible,” according to an article in the Huffington Post.

Her husband, Joe Gorga, wrote parts of the book, which is where most of the controversy seems to take place. The one part that seemed to hit a nerve with most people stated: “Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says ‘no,’ turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated,” according an article in the Huffington Post.

Gorga had admitted that it’s a wife responsibility to be available for sex, and that it’s the wife’s fault if the husband cheats, according to Seattle Pi.

Partner or spousal rape is not something to be taken lightly, and the aspect of the quote from the book is most certainly not something to be overlooked.

No matter what kind of relationship a person has with their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, every couple should be aware that this can happen, and that it’s something that shouldn’t be avoided in a conversation. Even if it never happens, there should be some communication between the two people to clarify that no means no. No matter if there is a want or need to feel dominated over, there needs to be consent when it comes to sex.

According to the National Center for Victims of Crime, 36 percent of women, or approximately 42.4 million, were victims of rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime.

Date rape accounts for almost 70 percent of sexual assaults reported by adolescent and college age women. Approximately, 38 percent of those women are between 14 and 17 years old, according to the Domestic Violence resource center.

Although a relationship may seem like everything is going fine and dandy, something could trigger a partner or spouse to rape their partner. That’s why it is very important that couples sit down and talk about what it means to them to have mutual respect for each other. Even if it seems that rape could never happen in a relationship, boundaries need to be set.

There are plenty of resources and hotlines out there to help anyone who may feel unsafe in their relationship and find that they need help. But what it all comes down to is having that conversation, and taking precautions to keep from any partner rape from occurring, no matter what the circumstances may be.



Tara Miller can be reached at [email protected] or @chicojournalist on Twitter.

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