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I now pronounce you drunk

Elizabeth Ernster

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Illustration by Katherine Kurz Photo credit: Katherine Kurz

Parties and college have been married to each other for a long time now.

They go out every weekend from 10 p.m. until three in the morning with no hesitation. They do not cancel dates on holidays— Halloween and Labor Day being their favorites.

Even during the week they find time for each other.

Wednesdays and Thursdays are particularly special when they want to escape the reality of everything else that is going on around them.

All the stress and problems seem to fade away while they are together, but when does the abuse stop?

Parties have continued to manipulate college students into having a fear of missing out. The fear of missing out has prevented students from studying for a test on Monday because parties needs their constant attention.

College is quick to take the subordinate position and ensures every want and need of the parties are fulfilled.

It is time for the two to get divorced.

College needs to move on and become independent again. This independence will be found when they commit everything back to the institution that started them.

Students need to learn that they can exist without the constant raging fits that parties tends to throw when a big enough crowd is around. These fits are normally ongoing and last even when they are in the streets, only to be dispersed when the authorities show up.

Settling down was not a good idea for parties, because they just happen to get around without any effort on their part. They find new places to stay from Chico to San Diego and even in Arizona.

Parties flirt with every city they come in contact with; it just is not fair for college to have to deal with this behavior, especially since college is being put under so much pressure all the time.

These two can exist outside of each other, and our society should start treating them as entities within themselves.

We should be encouraging of the paths each wants to take but do not let them go hand in hand with one another, because that can be detrimental to all of us.

Elizabeth Ernster can be reached at [email protected] or @Liz_Ernster on Twitter.

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I now pronounce you drunk