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The Orion

Red light to male drivers

Photo credit: Bobbie Rae Jones
Photo credit: Bobbie Rae Jones

One day when I was still just a preteen, I saw a “pimped out” low rider and my mom turned to me and said, “Do you think that boy in that car is cuter because of his car? Because that’s why he made his car look like that – to get girls.”

What in the world? No. How would that make him anymore appealing to me?

As I got older I started to notice more and more boys doing certain things in their cars or to their cars and looking back at girls to get some kind of approval.

At a stop light, they rev their engines, the light turns green and they speed off like their life depended on it. And that is somehow supposed to make me all hot for them.

The truth is, when I hear the engine roaring, it doesn’t turn me on. Not one bit. In fact, I don’t actually hear the engine, I hear a tiny little voice coming from the car saying, “He has a small wiener!”

Don’t get me wrong, not all guys with nice cars do this. But when the engine is loud, and I glance over and he’s making some kind of face like he’s smelling something funky, I know why the engine is loud and the car is tricked out.

I’m sorry boys, but whoever told you speeding around women will impress them got their information wrong. I mean, why would you want to try to get my attention by driving away from me as fast as you possibly can?

Yes I may have looked up, but by the time I do, I can barely read your license plate much less see your face and be impressed.

Maybe boys driving around recklessly like they do is to put on the “bad boy” image that girls are supposed to swoon for. Maybe girls like bad boys, but we also like our lives and you driving the way you do lowers my chances of having a long life.

Most of the time when I see the guys who speed off from the light or stop sign, I have this reaction that I just can’t control. I literally say to myself, “Oh we got a cool kid over here,” just about every single time I see these Lighting McQueens.

So if your goal is to annoy me beyond belief, then yes continue driving around like an idiot. But if you want to actually impress me, wave me on to cross the crosswalk before you speed off. That way you look like a gentlemen, I see your face and we get to have that “moment” you think impresses me.

If you want to impress me, don’t speed off leaving me with kicked-up dirt and smoggy air. Coughing isn’t my favorite activity.

Brittany McClintock can be reached at [email protected] or @B_McClintock17 on Twitter.

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