Talking dirty: the fundamentals of a good time

Talking dirty can liven up any sex life. Photo credit: Melissa Joseph

Talking dirty can liven up any sex life. Photo credit: Melissa Joseph

Melissa Joseph

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Let’s get real here, silent sex is boring sex. Whether moaning or dirty talk, there has to be some sort of noise to keep the atmosphere alive. Not once have I ever had silence sex — the thought alone makes me cringe.

When it’s quiet, our minds tend to drift off. Some people daydream about great things while others think of their crippling list of responsibilities. Either way, silent thinking time takes you away from the moment. As a college student, the last thing I want to think about during sex is my financial instability.

To combat looming silence during sex, I talk dirty. Honestly, I’m loud in bed, kind of embarrassing and inconvenient, but at least it’s never quiet. That being said, I still find time in between moans and other noises, to voice small, dirty phrases that help liven the moment and keep things interesting.

I’ve found that when I’m with my partner and he starts to talk dirty, it completely changes the setting of our sexual escapades. I’m instantly more turned on and the same can be said for him when I reciprocate the talk. Not only does talking dirty help physical attraction because you can hear your partner’s voice and their tone, but it helps with each other’s mental connection and compatibility.

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Talking dirty can liven up any sex life. Photo credit: Melissa Joseph

Through verbal communication and affirmations, it’s easier for one another to gauge what makes the other tick and lets your partner know what works and what doesn’t.

Talking dirty isn’t easy at first. Most people will feel awkward and out of their comfort zone by having to voice the dirty thoughts that they’re thinking. But with practice and an understanding partner, saying a few dirty phrases each time you have sex will get you started.

Try not to start off with aggressive vulgar dirty talk. Instead, begin with small subtle comments and if you become comfortable enough, you can say the truly vulgar stuff. The first time I started to talk dirty was when my partner initiated it, whispering little nuances in my ear. I built up the courage in response and blurted out some cringey porno phrase that made us both laugh seconds later.

Sex and dirty talk isn’t meant to be easy, but if all else fails, it will bring you closer to your partner. Communication is key to a fulfilling sex life, so don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like and how you like it. If you’re with the right person, they won’t judge you.

Melissa Joseph can be reached at [email protected] or on twitter @melisstweetz.

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