As the holiday season quickly approaches, we know many of you are thinking about gift-giving. It can be challenging to find the perfect gift for your loved ones, but at your Chico State family headquarters, we have compiled a list of ideas to make the process easier. 

Here are a few suggestions for perfect gifts for students, faculty and administrators. 

For the student

If you have a Chico State student in your life, you may have heard them mention items on their wish list like “lower tuition” and “more financial aid.” These items are hard to wrap, and let’s face it, a little boring. 

Instead of giving the gift of cold, hard cash, consider investing in a handcrafted, personalized item that shows you genuinely care. 

What student wouldn’t love a pair of customized bootstraps? 

In addition to being a unique fashion statement, they provide a fun activity. The student can spend winter break practicing pulling themselves up using their new gift. 

We are aware that the physics behind lifting oneself up by the bootstraps are nigh impossible, but Chico State students are well-experienced in exercises in futility. 

Sit back and enjoy watching the student in your life strengthen both their body and their character through this entertaining and never-ending challenge. 

Another gift idea for a student concerned about the rising costs of schooling is a good, old-fashioned piggy bank. This is a great way to encourage saving money by way of stowing away every last bit of spare change. 

The student you are shopping for may not be familiar with the concept of “spare change,” but once they figure it out they have the opportunity to save tens of dollars, which could go toward the cost of school. 

To accompany these gift ideas, you could also include an intangible present every student loves to receive: unsolicited advice. 

To share this valuable gift, just remind the student if they skip their Starbucks order every day, that daily $5 expense could add up to a large sum. It could fully cover tuition, and also probably count toward a down payment on a house with money to spare.

After bestowing any of these gifts upon a Chico State student, you can bask in their tears — certainly of joy — confident in the knowledge that you shared the true meaning of the season with them. 

For your favorite lecturer

A good instructor or lecturer can make all the difference in a student’s life and education. To thank a favorite teacher, consider picking a small gift to show your appreciation. 

Many lecturers have asked Santa for a living wage, but we have heard from an inside source that he is still reviewing whether they’ve been naughty or nice. 

Instead of worrying about that, why don’t you get your lecturer some nice, classy cardstock paper?

Fancy paper is a small luxury anyone can enjoy. Additionally, printing on cardstock will really make your lecturer’s resume stand out as they apply for a second or third job to support their family. 

Speaking of family, we consider our lecturers to be an integral part of our big, friendly Chico State family. In spite of this, some faculty members have voiced complaints about working conditions keeping them from spending valuable time with their partners and children. 

Consider gifting your lecturer a framed photo of their family so they can enjoy their company while working long hours. They’ll be sure to appreciate the opportunity to see their loved ones!

Finally, consider purchasing a scream jar for your lecturer. Many lecturers have used their voices to self-advocate this semester. With the scream jar’s noise suppression, they will have the opportunity to continue to let off steam, reduce stress and vocalize complaints without being a nuisance to those around them. 

Your teacher can scream into the jar in their classroom, office or anywhere else on campus and be assured they will not be heard, a feeling they are very accustomed to. Take it from us, your lecturer will love yelling into a void!

For the esteemed administration 

The holidays are the time to recognize the thankless job your Chico State leaders shoulder year-round. 

Let’s start with a special thanks to President Steve Perez, whose first semester in his new position has contained many challenges. 

Perez is a big Taylor Swift fan and would appreciate Swiftie-inspired, handmade friendship bracelets from his adoring Chico State students. This is your chance to get creative with a message just for the president. 

Consider using beads to write out your tuition costs. If the string of beads gets too long, just convert the gift to a necklace. After all, more is more!

The final gift idea is expensive, but such a wonderful administration deserves nothing less than the best. Why not pool resources with a group of friends to buy a beautiful gilded mirror for the President’s Mansion? 

The mirror would provide a practical function. Whenever the administration wonders why funding is misspent or students are frustrated, they can simply look to this thoughtful gift to catch a glimpse of the answer. 

Happy Holidays from your Chico State family!

Disclaimer: This is a work of satire, and should not be taken seriously for gift-giving advice if you want your family and friends to still speak to you after the holidays. 

Heather Taylor can be reached at [email protected].