Students’ hearts sank to their mixed-drink filled stomachs, as they received the late-night notification that class was in session Tuesday morning.
Once the professors and faculty left the picket line, many students replaced their spots in protest, of the lack of protest.
Many Chico State students pledged to celebrate the week off in a classic Chico State fashion by going balls to the wall buck-wild with some Henny, but instead was forced to pull trig and had to speedrun sobering up on the floor of the Riley’s bathroom stall.
In the unforgivable grief of losing the week off, a student union — Alcoholics and Fraternities of California — has formed to advocate for students’ rights to get absolutely hammered on weeknights.
Along with the protests, the AFC has made the following list of demands — originally published on YikYak:
- A selfie of a student’s activities on any given night will be suitable for an excused absence the following day
- Reimbursement for the inevitable Liquid IV, Gatorade, Red Bull, and other hangover remedies that were vital in attending classes on Tuesday
- Free beer
During the protests this week, AFC members blasted Mike Sherm and Pitbull, set up a series of LED lights — which in turn started a small electrical fire — and called attention to their cause with the unique technique of producing an aroma of body sweat, tequila and very cheap cannabis to allure passersby.
AFC has not commented on any events of the strike except to bring your own beer to any further protests.
The Orion reached out to a Chico State representative who only responded with inaudible confusion.
DISCLAIMER:
All organizations and events in this article — both fictional and real life — are entirely satirical. The AFC is not real and any resemblance to any other organization is only intended for parody. This article does not represent The Orion’s opinion on the CFA strike or Chico State students and is meant to be taken very non-seriously.
Nadia Hill can be reached at [email protected].
