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The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

Chico State's independent student newspaper

The Orion

‘Hanger’ hits columnist

Prin Mayowa
Prin Mayowa

It’s an epidemic sweeping the nation. It hits the disadvantaged and wealthy alike.

That’s right — “hanger.”

“Hanger” is no longer just a plastic or metal object on which one hangs clothes. It is now a state of being that can control the very facets of your existence.

When people are “hangery,” they find themselves angry due to their state of hunger.

Symptoms of “hanger” include, but are not limited to: being a brat, giving friends the silent treatment and asking people for food without thinking about saying “please.”

“Hanger” usually occurs when someone finds themselves overworked. I sometimes get so busy that I forget I haven’t eaten.

I will go my whole day attending meetings, classes and doing homework assignment after homework assignment.

The hunger pains will hit me right before I go to sleep. My stomach will gurgle in that terrible way that makes me feel like a small child from an impoverished country.

Illustration by Rachel Dugo
Illustration by Rachel Dugo

Being “hangery” makes me feel like the Hulk mixed with a rabid dog — I just want to smash and bite things.

The other day was a long procession of classes, two hours at the gym and a meeting. I was running on empty.

I was becoming “hangery.”

Not only that, I had a craving for some epic nachos I wouldn’t be able to get because of the time constraints of my busy day.

Thank goodness the Wildcat Store’s convenience store was open.

As I walked about like the “hangery” ogre I was, everything began to annoy me. Faces, humans, books — no, seriously — I almost flipped a table of books over because they were in my way.

It didn’t help that I am a picky eater. I found myself ambling in the frozen food section of the convenience store. Nothing seemed worth my $5 and certainly not with those epic nachos on my mind.

I ended up buying a Hot Pocket and used the Wildcat Store’s crappy microwave, holding back the urge to beat it as if I were a wild monkey.

When I thought my food was ready, it wasn’t. The outside was lukewarm and the inside was like molten lava. I was so hungry I ate it anyway.

People across the nation experience “hanger.” This was just one of my personal encounters.

My question is — will you be ready when it hits?

Prin Mayowa can be reached at [email protected] or @PrinSupreme on Twitter.

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