The Orion

The O-Face: Rid relationships of insecurity

Michael Karp

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Michael Karp Photo credit: Kasey Judge

Insecurities can hinder your sex life and other parts of a relationship. It can happen in a committed or casual relationship.

 

The 2013 winter break was the first extended period of time that I spent away from my girlfriend. It was also when I first felt any type of relationship insecurity.

 

I spent winter break in Texas with my parents. I didn’t grow up there and I have very few friends in the area, so my social life consisted of outings with my parents. I enjoyed my time there but it wasn’t exactly what I am used to in Chico.

 

My girlfriend spent break in her hometown and my insecurities developed when she would go out to have fun with her friends. On my end, I’d be stuck in Texas reading or on my laptop.

 

Thoughts of guys hitting on her while she’s out drinking with her friends caused a flood of insecure feelings and emotions within me. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t believe she would leave me or cheat on me, but those feelings were almost automatic and resonated from deep within my psyche.

 

I pent up all of those insecure thoughts and emotions, thinking that talking about them would make it worse. We finally saw each other after break and they came out little by little over the coming weeks.

 

This led to many unnecessary arguments. Nights when we could have been having fun were instead spent going to sleep either irritated or at our own houses.

A lot of those arguments came from my insecurities and the result was turmoil in our relationship that had never been apparent before. And we were certainly not having sex when those instances arose.

 

In other relationships I have observed, I’ve seen insecurity from both partners change the dynamic from fun, lighthearted and carefree to worrisome and full of jealousy.

 

Luckily, I was able to catch myself before that insecurity made a permanent mark on my relationship. The proof is in how it has developed.

 

I got rid of my insecurities by destroying my insecure thoughts as soon as they came up. Every time I thought about other guys hitting on her, I’d remind myself that she’s with me for a reason. Slowly but surely it became a habit and our relationship flourished because of it.

My girlfriend and I haven’t argued in a long time and our communication has grown immensely. Now when we have an issue, we try to talk about it immediately and get through it as fast as possible. This way we can continue being happy together.

 

Riding that wave of communication, our sex continues to get better. We barely waste any nights on unnecessary arguments and have a blast together instead .

Insecurity and jealousy can break any type of relationship down. It’s unconditional trust that keeps relationships strong and maximizes the happiness of both partners.

 

I have found this to be very true in my own relationship and this trust has led me to have some of the greatest memories in my entire life.

 

Michael Karp can be reached at [email protected] and @_MichaelKarp on Twitter.

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The O-Face: Rid relationships of insecurity