Stigma with high number of sexual partners


Is someone in the single digits? 10s? 20s?

People seem to be obsessed with the number of sexual partners an individual has, as if it should be painted in red on their chest. There is even a movie called “What’s Your Number?” about a woman who has hit 20 partners and her struggle to not go above that. Apparently, Hollywood has deemed that high.

Some people take their partner’s number really seriously. One of my girlfriends was dumped after telling her boyfriend her number and it was too high for him to handle. Sissy.

As a person who doesn’t take people’s numbers very seriously, I question what the big deal is.

My problem with the obsession is that people use it to judge how slutty a person is, and I don’t think that is a valid measurement of someone’s promiscuity — not that it should be anyone’s business anyway. And while men are praised for getting their number as high as possible, women are called whores.

My other problem is that I have heard guys say they don’t want a girlfriend who has a high number because that means she is going to be “loose” from all the sex she has had.

Well, I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and I can say right now that I have had a lot more sex than my single friends. Their numbers go up each time they hook up, while my number hasn’t changed.

So if people are judging the amount of sex someone has, their number is not the way to do it. Not to mention the idea that a girl’s vagina can get “loose” is a myth; vaginas are muscle people.

And what about serial daters, the people who have a lot of short relationships? Their numbers are going to get way up there, but they dated everyone they have had sex with.

For some reason, there is a difference between someone with a new boo every other month and someone who has a one night stand once a month. I don’t see a difference, yet serial daters get less of a hard time for their number being high.

My last problem is whether or not people discuss their number with their partner or prospective partner due to fear of a potential breakup. I know my boyfriend’s number and he knows mine. I don’t really care where his penis has been — he is committed to me, and I to him. I think that is all that matters.

Without trying to preach, I think that everyone should just calm down about the digits. Sex is a great thing, so go ahead. You do you, or should I say you do that fine gentleman or lady you met on Tinder last week.

Michaela Sundholm can be reached at [email protected] or @Michaela_Sun on Twitter.