The Orion

Men, imagine the burden of birth control

Megan Mann

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Megan Mann

“Johnathan Monroe? Dr. Gordon will see you now,” a nurse announced.

He stood up, palms sweating as he followed the nurse into one of the offices.

This was his first visit to the gynecologist. His girlfriend was tired of using condoms all the time and wanted him to start taking birth control. He was a little hesitant, but if it makes her happy, fine.

The nurse hands him a gown that his ass will undoubtedly hang out of, but he puts it on and sits on the examination table. There’s a small metal tray next to it that has what looks like medieval torture devices on it.

Needless to say, his nerves weren’t soothed.

Before he can make like a tree and leave, there is a soft knock at the door, which swiftly opens to reveal Dr. Gordon, a woman.

Cue the extra shade of discomfort. Why couldn’t Dr. Gordon have been a guy? This just makes things extra awkward.

After introducing herself, checking his vital signs, and completing the examination of his… male parts… she asks him why he scheduled the visit.

“Well…um…I’d like to go over some birth control options,” he sheepishly says.

“Are you sexually active?” she asks.

“Uh…um…well…yes,” he answers.

After getting confirmation that he and his girlfriend use condoms every single time, she starts listing off options.

The inter-testicular device sounded too invasive, and he hates needles so the shot is out. Rings aren’t an option for guys and his girlfriend would never be open to that anyway. All that was left was the pill.

“You can’t start them until the start of the next month, but it sounds like your best option,” Dr. Gordon says as she pulls out her prescription pad.

He breathes a sigh of relief. Well, that wasn’t so hard.

“Just remember to take them at the same time every single day while using condoms and you should be 100 percent safe,” she says, handing him the slip.

So much for that whole “one pill a day keeps the baby away” idea.

Megan Mann can be reached at [email protected] or @meganisthemann on Twitter.

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Men, imagine the burden of birth control