Babysitting is the best form of birth control

Illustration by Katherine Kurz Photo credit: Katherine Kurz

“Mind your manners and make sure to listen while we are gone,” says every parent ever leaving their child with a babysitter.

Children always smile back and say the sweet words they know will make their parents’ hearts jump. The second they hear that door click shut they are off the hook and wreaking havoc.

Preaching abstinence, birth control and condoms has become a common practice in high schools and middle schools across the nation. But has anyone ever thought of signing students up to babysit instead?

Normally on the parents’ end, it is a long process to find a babysitter, one whom they can trust their child with up to six hours, maybe more.

But it would be an amazing experience for students to get a taste of parenthood without having the financial responsibility of one.

Some health classes require taking care of a simulator baby for up to three days but that is not enough. Sticking a key into an actual baby’s back is not going to stop it from crying.

If students were to babysit a newborn, they would be able to learn skills such as how to properly hold a child or different ways to burp it.

High school students will never forget the ear-piercing cry when something has gone wrong with their simulator baby and the learning process it takes to figure out what each cry means.

The experience should not just stop with newborn children though. It should be continued all the way to the preteen age so they can get the full experience of the never-ending back talk and eye rolls.

In those moments, one can be completely powerless because nothing can defeat a 10-year-old’s sass except for the removing of the tongue.

Learning to control the attitude of a teen is a talent that takes years of practice.

By giving parenting experience to students in small doses, they will find that fornication is a serious matter because it leads to at least 18 years of attitude along with a minimum four years of crying.

Having children is a life sentence and should not be a task to be taken lightly.

Elizabeth Ernster can be reached at [email protected] or @Liz_Ernster on Twitter.