Fantasies add novelty to a relationship


Photo credit: Bobbie Rae Jones

Exploring fantasies is very healthy and rewarding. It is a way to get out of our comfort zone and build trust in a relationship even if it’s just talking about it.

I have never really explored what I want. It’s always been about taking care of my partner, and once that’s done sex ends. My partner now, though, really is concerned about what I want. I can remember the first time he asked me what I wanted or fantasized about. My response was, “I have no idea. I’ve never been asked and thus haven’t put a whole lot of thought into it.”

Last week though, I was able to give a slight response to that question. I had a fantasy that I was blindfolded, and my partner and guest made me the center of attention and gave me a massage. I had no idea who the other person was. I didn’t have a clear idea or if it would make a difference if the person was male or female. There isn’t an intention to do anything with the fantasy, but for me it is cathartic to be able to communicate to my partner that I had the fantasy.

There are so many things to fantasize about. Some fantasies people have asked me about and how to go about making them happen are:

  • The threesome seems to be a fun hypothetical, but making this happen takes a little more care. I have said before that a threesome is a hard limit for me, but that is because I have had two experiences that I walked away from feeling disposable and full of shame.


Helpful hints for this fantasy:

  1. Communication: Talk to your partner and figure out what y’all want, and if someone changes their mind respect that choice.
  2. Boundaries: Set boundaries beforehand with each other and go over these boundaries with the guest.
  3. Make a plan for after. Is the guest welcome to stay the night or are they going home?
  4. If you are the guest have a plan. Have your own boundaries and have something special prepared for yourself afterward. I would even say look up information on aftercare.
  5. Find the right person or people. I don’t recommend jumping into anything. Take time to talk out who you would like to be involved with. Is it a one time thing and what are the expectations of the parties involved?
  • DP or double penetration is a fantasy that many people seem to be interested in. While I have no words of wisdom from personal experience, there are some similarities between threesomes and some of the mechanics of double penetration.

Some things to think about apart from the above helpful hints:

  1. How to achieve double penetration. There could be a guest or toy usage.
  2. Is the double penetration vaginal and oral, vaginal and anal, or oral and anal?
  3. DP doesn’t have to be penetration by two males. There can be females achieving the effect with strap ons.
  4. Keep in mind the possibility and risk of STDs goes up with anal because of the possibility of tearing the soft tissue and also because people don’t tend to use condoms, since pregnancy isn’t possible with anal.
  5. Go slow and build up to DP. Take breaks to check in with partners.

Fantasies can be lots of fun whether they come true or not. But if the fantasy is realized, don’t rush into it and be safe if involving extra partners.

Joann Chevaillier can be reached at [email protected] or @jmc_8284 on Twitter