Why are you still hanging on?


Photo credit: Dongyoung Won

Love is a drug. It’s scientifically proven.

When we become close with another person our body releases oxytocin and dopamine. They create good feelings giving us a literal high from being around them. Which can help explain why attachment can feel a lot like addiction sometimes.

It’s hard to be without them for long periods of time. You envision scenarios in which you just happen to run into them on campus. Your snapchat story doesn’t even matter unless they’ve seen it. Simply put, you’re addicted to this person. They are your drug.

It’s a bit of a roller coaster, this addiction. The days without them seem like an endless stream of Mondays. Why hasn’t __ called me back? ___ must be really busy. I can’t wait to tell ____ what happened the other day.

Just when you’ve thrown in the towel and experienced all of the emotions under the sun, you’ll get that text you’ve been waiting for and like magic, balance is restored. You’ve gotten another fix.

Like a drug, however, this type of attachment can be dangerous. That’s because you’ve found yourself on the slippery slope of a one sided relationship.

This type of relationship is exactly what it sounds like. One person is clearly putting in more effort than the other. This happens in many different types of relationships; romantic, platonic or the awkward in-between stage.

I think we’ve all experienced some form of this. For me, it was someone I considered to be my best friend. She stopped coming around. Always too busy or too tired. It was like a game of tug of war and the more I pulled the more she pulled away.

Eventually, these one sided relationships get tiring. It’s tough maintaining a relationship all on your own. In fact, it’s a bit of a farce. The Merriam Webster definition of a relationship denotes a connection between two participants. It’s extremely hard to have any kind of real relationship when there is only one person participating.

It’s about time to reevaluate the one sided relationship in your life. Although they might not realize it, this treatment is an abuse of your love and trust. You have given your heart to this person and trusted that they would do the same for you. To stick around with an individual who wouldn’t treat you with the same respect is hurtful, and it can take an emotional toll. So really, why are you still hanging on? What purpose does it serve?

Cutting off might seem scary, because it is. You’re scared of the kind of life you may have without this particular individual. You may have known this person for so long you hardly remember a life without them.

That’s the thing about addictions though. They can be broken, and you can most definitely heal from them.

All the time spent feeding into this relationship can now go to other endeavors. You will have more time and energy to spend on cultivating relationships that are fulfilling to you.

If you are willing to put your heart out there and be a source of support and kindness for another person, than you deserve to have the same. It’s that simple.

Lorinda Sasan can be reached at [email protected] or @theorion_news on Twitter.