I talked to evangelists protesting on campus. Where to begin?

High contrast shot of a minister holding an open Bible and pointing. Getty Images.

High contrast shot of a minister holding an open Bible and pointing. Getty Images.

Gage Northcutt

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I had the unexpected “honor” of meeting a campus evangelical zealot. It was quite the experience. His ludicrous line of thinking will keep you laughing for hours.

These evangelists came onto campus to protest Trans Remembrance Day. I was only there for a short while and then decided to participate in the dialogue between the protestors and students.

This story is from what I witnessed. It was hard to keep track of everything that happened between all the laughs and high-fives I was getting in between zingers.

Anyway, let’s meet our nutcases.

Introductions to a “man of God”

The man I met is known as Brother Jed. When I came across him, he was giving a sex education lesson to students outside the BMU. Yes, this man was trying to explain to college students what happens when people become sexually aroused. He used a banana as a euphemism for a penis and a cucumber for an erect penis. Again, this was to college students.

My first remark to this man was that it seemed a pretty generous comparison to match up to a banana and a cucumber with the male average.

Women to the “man of God”

Brother Jed’s “teachings” moved on to metaphysics, sin and ended up on women. He said women today are selling their bodies for nothing.

Now, that statement is already disgusting on its own but the follow-up was worse. Jed then said that the women here are “at least worth $50.” Even saying that he could help by being their “sugar daddy.”

Holy moly.

He then handed it off to one of his followers, Sister Myrna.

The hatred of the “woman of God”

Brother Jed was absolutely absurd, sexist and creepy with his sex talk. However, to me, he was nowhere as offensive as Myrna.

Myrna’s rhetoric was more or less the same as Jed’s, just with more screaming and less cucumber talk.

She was then interrupted by a student that said transgender people are taking their lives due to hateful rhetoric and bullying, which Myrna responded to with a loud and proud, “Good!”

I had thought the whole thing was cute up until then. Just silly people spewing their delusions to our great amusement. This, however, crossed the line from a Christian and a human standpoint.

I went up to Myrna and told her how terrible it was for anyone to think about the loss of human life due to suicide is a good thing. I did not word it politely, either.

Her response: “I don’t want to have sex with you.”

I didn’t know what to do other than laugh and ask the crowd if they are seeing this woman, too, because it felt like I was in an episode of “The Twilight Zone.”

My Thoughts

Oh boy, where to begin?

First of all, a 2016 study found that 53.5% of 17-year-olds and 93.5% of 22-year-olds (around the average college age group) had already had sex. Even so, we still don’t want a creepy old man to lecture on the facts of life, because no one wants that.

Second, women already get enough crap about their sexual behavior and it in no way has anything to with your opinions. Most people are cool with not being sex-workers because some of it is illegal and Jed encouraging prostitution is illegal too (See California Penal Code 266h and Penal Code 266i). Also, I don’t think your wife (yes, he is married) would be too thrilled with you offering to be the “sugar daddy” of young women.

Third, these people are making all Christians look bad. Rhetoric like this breeds hate crimes. In 2017, the FBI said that in the total of all reported hate crimes, 15.8% are due to sexual orientation and 1.9% are due to gender identity.

Lastly, to Myrna, since you so loudly said that you did not want to have sex with me I think I should tell you that the feeling is mutual. Very mutual. Thank God for that.

Gage Northcutt can be reached at [email protected] or @GageNorthcutt on Twitter.

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