Why I’ll never take that dance with Mary Jane

hate-for-pot.jpg
Illustration by Darian Maroney

Never in a million years did I think I’d be writing a column about marijuana.

Why? Because I don’t give two flying monkeys about the topic. Why should I waste my energy on something that I find so stupid?

if it were up to me, there would be no drugs in the world, “harmless” or otherwise. And it kills me that marijuana has been gaining ground in the media as of recent years.

Call me old-fashioned, but I was raised to believe that people shouldn’t do drugs, and they definitely don’t talk about it like it’s not a big deal.

I also don’t think my numerous doctors would appreciate me tempting fate by messing around with stuff like drugs. I barely get to have a drink on my 21st birthday, so what makes anyone think it’d be OK for me to light up a joint?

And I don’t want to hear the whole “it’s natural” and “not harmful” arguments.

I heard enough of that bad reasoning and even worse excuses from my ex-boyfriend, thank you very much.

Truthfully, they could come out with a study tomorrow that said that marijuana was the cure-all for every disease in the world, and I would still suffer through the common cold before lighting one up.

Is that a little excessive? Probably.

Do I sound unrelentingly ignorant? Damn right I do.

Do I care? Take a wild guess.

The fact that I’m willingly admitting that I’m completely ignorant on this subject and and completely unwilling to learn says a lot.

I’m not the type of person to sit around and hold onto opinions without doing extensive research and carefully forming said opinion.

But when it comes to marijuana, I can’t stand it so much that I don’t want to learn more about it.

Hell, I don’t even want to look at it. Even red, green and yellow paraphernalia frustrates me beyond end.

Unfortunately, this topic is one of those on which I have firmly planted my heels into the dirt on.

Perhaps I’m just too conservative or was just raised to have negative beliefs about this drug.

Ultimately, it comes down to this: If someone else wants to risk God knows how many nasty side effects and light up in an effort to get a cheap high, more power to them. If they want to use it strictly for medicinal purposes, great.

But I don’t want to see it in any form. Not on the news, not in my neighbor’s backyard and definitely not on some guy’s back window of his minivan.

And I definitely don’t want to smell it wafting up through the floor of my kitchen because the guy underneath me decided to mellow out after a long week of whatever he does.

How about people do what they like, and I’ll go sit in an ignorant corner by myself while I shake my proverbial cane at all these crazy kids who think they’re going to change the world one joint at a time.

We’ll all be so much happier that way.

Now get off of my lawn.

Megan Mann can be reached at [email protected] or @meganisthemann on Twitter.