Playing on the edge

Photo credit: Bobbie Rae Jones

Photo credit: Bobbie Rae Jones

I keep trying to get my printer to work. It’s incredibly frustrating. I have changed the ink. I have even restarted it, but the little screen keeps telling me there is an issue with the ink. Finally I get it to start working, and a wave of relief comes over me as the pages spill out of the tray.

This is how edging can feel—the art of sexual frustration. Not the sort of sexual frustration that comes from being miles away from the act of sex, but the sort that grows when your partner keeps you from reaching the final symphonic moment of the body.

You need to get to know yourself and find out where your arousal and climactic threshold is to know when to slow down. If you are playing with a partner you will need a bit of time to get to know their body.

For one, this means figuring out their breathing patterns. For example, if they hold their breath or start to breath very deeply and quickly. Some may start talking or cursing. I know one person who starts to curse when getting close, which can definitely serve as a kind of positive feedback.

Get an idea of how their body moves, if they might start arching their back or if they start to grip your body. These are all elements to know to get right on the edge and then fall back from it.

Here are some fun ways to slowly build up to the Big-O:

•Biting along the inner thigh, on the neck or back of the shoulders.

•Using a feather or if you have facial hair to tickle your partner. Get them to laugh and get into a playful mood. Sex is fun and can be a humorous experience.

•Playing with the ears rubbing them, sucking them and mixing in breathing and tongue use.

•Rubbing their lower back and butt can also help relax them.

If there is a toy chest available here are some other ideas.

• Don’t be afraid of the many powers of the vibrator. And they aren’t just for women. Vibrators are handy when you get to the point of wanting to achieve orgasm. According to Laurie Mintz on Stress and Sex, only 3-10 percent of women orgasm from penetration alone.

•Prostate massagers and butt plugs are something else to use for stimulation and come in all sorts of sizes. With these toys, remember lube is a must-have, especially if its a new kind of stimulation.

There are lots of other toys that can be fun for this or other types of play. Don’t be afraid to explore and be creative. Talking with your partner is the best way to start figuring out what you’d like to try or where your adventure may take you.

Now that you know different ways to build up, back off from that glorious orgasm.

For women this tends to be a change in rhythm to switch it up a bit. If not done at the right moment it can give a female a “ruined” orgasm which may make them more sexually frustrated than no orgasm. The timing will come with patience and insistence.

For men, the delaying of orgasm can be a bit tricky. The squeeze method is the most common way to delay a male orgasm and seems to work when combined with stop and start. Dr. Laura Beman speaks of this on Everyday Health.

Eventually let the fireworks go and enjoy the release of the orgasm. See how the small (or long!) delay can make them oh so much better.

Joann Chevaillier can be reached at [email protected]